Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Thoggers And Thongers

I’m just one large blogging genital tonight, so I have to ask you to forgive me. It’s late, I’m typing this in the nude, and I just don’t see why I should go and slip on a thong after office hours. And if you’re in any way ashamed of my body, then look away now. I’m about to untangle myself and you might not think it a pretty sight.

There, that’s better… Now you can look again.

Not that I don’t find this a little off putting myself. I’m lying in bed with the laptop balanced on a pillow (I’ve seen the damage that can be done so I’m not risking PC / loin contact). The TV sits at the foot of the bed and is tuned to BBC News 24 from where Baroness Amos is currently gazing up between my thighs. I imagine this is what it will be like when the government introduce cavity searches but I can’t say I care for it all that much. It doesn’t matter how many I’ve got naked in front of a crowd, I don’t think I could ever get use to Baroness Amos peering up between my naked thighs. At the very least it takes my mind of what I’m doing and at the worst I’m sure it’s unconstitutional. Besides, I’ve seen the damage that can be done so I’m not risking Amos / loin contact either.

Anyway, the reason I’m working so late is that I’ve been nominated for a Thogger.

You might want to read that again.

When I got the call, I mistakenly thought it was a ‘Thonger’, which, as you probably know, is the highest accolade in world stripping. No UK stripper has yet won a Thonger, let along a chap from Wales. I thought my life was about to change for the better and I’d become the world ambassador to the world’s exhibitionists, gyrators, lap dancers, and thonglateers. You can imagine my disappointment when Gabby pointed out that it said Thogger, not Thonger.

That’s the problem with these Romanians. They’re so perceptive.

After I’d finished crying, I reread the citation and discovered that Trixy considers that I’m a blogger who makes her think. Think about what, you probably wonder? Well I think it’s probably not a good idea to ask. I try my best, of course, but I never seem to become anything more than a man in thong. I sometimes wonder if an education will come to nothing unless I mention my private parts every hundred words. If I gave you a choice between lots of observations about my wang or something insightful about Auden, I suspect the wang would win every time. Which is typical of the British mentality. I’m also sure Auden wrote a poem about it as he had a similar problem.

So, what does this Thogger award mean? It means that I get to nominate five lucky people to whom I send this mixed blessing. Earlier this evening, I put all the candidates into a hat – or actually an old pair of Y fronts with an abnormally large crotch – and these are the winners that came out smelling slightly of oil and unction.

1. Blockhead Magazine
2. Rilly Super
3. Mutterings and Meanderings
4. Arthur Clewley
5. Mr. Joe Blogs
5b. Baroque in Hackney

Congratulations, to all five of you. You really do make me think. And hard luck to the other nominees who also make me think but who didn't have the rub of the Y fronts this time. Your turn will surely come as the electoral Y fronts are remarkably roomy and fair in its selections.


Arthur Clewley said...

Thankyou, I'm very flattered Mr dale, I've never been nominated for anything I would publically admit to before. I shall have to compose a suitably thought provoking reponse over at ACD,along with my own nominations, which will certainly include the phrase 'nah nah nah nah nah!!, inserted in a suitably thought provoking way of course

Blockhead said...

Blockhead is honoured to emerge from a pair of oversized Y-fronts and find itself in this position. Many thanks indeed! A word of caution - you want to watch out with that News 24-between-the-legs thing. Most faces that pop up on there aren't the sort to give you sweet dreams...

Trixy said...

Yes, it didn't stipulate what I had to think about, old chap..wink wink, nudge nudge..

How are you, my dear Chipster?

Chippy said...

Arthur, well I feel honoured to have been the first to nominate you for something. My trusty electoral underpants rarely produce an unworthy winner.

Blockhead, viewing BBC News 24 from between one's thighs is a proven way to keep a man supple, though it should only be tried by experienced thonglateers. It's very easy to go wrong with Baroness Amos.

Trixy, I hope those nudges and winks are for my wit and insight into human behaviour. There's more to me than a thong. Not much more, but more nevertheless. And thanks for asking, though things aren't going well for a Welsh stripper with a bad back and no career prespects.

rilly super said...

crikey, I shall have to totally rearrange my mantelpiece now if I'm to still leave the space I keep free for the Pullitzer. Thanks ever so Chip

mutterings and meanderings said...

Why thank you sir, am much obliged...

Ms Baroque said...

Ohhh, I feel so disappointed! Here I've only just discovered your blog with its amazing propensity towards thogginess, and also thonginess, and also Auden jokes, and it's too late for you to nominate meeeee....

Chippy said...

But Ms. Baroque, you're mistaken. I did nominate you. How could I not nominate you when you so clearly appreciate the power of the thong?

Ms Baroque said...

Mr Chips, I take it all back. I love this place!