Saturday, March 03, 2007

The Injunction

It’s the early hours of Saturday morning and I’ve just had to slip on my legal thong to ensure that I’m very careful as to what I write. I can’t name every name and legal restrictions make it impossible for me to give you ‘the full monty’, as we call it in the trade, but the facts, as I can report them, are something like this: The Bangor Evening Chronicle tonight intended to run a story in which they claim that local thongman ‘Tiny’ Blair illegally wore pre-stuffed posing pouches throughout 2004 and 2005 stripping seasons. The local Labour union have managed to get an injunction to stop the full details of this news from going to press though the Chronicle is working hard to have the news printed by another paper not covered by the restriction.

I’m at least two miles away from the epicentre of all this intrigue but I’m willing to go out on a limb here based on the information I have at hand.

Sources close to Tiny have told me that his thongs were indeed stuffed with cotton wool but it was his manager and local pimp Lord Love who was in charge of the bag packing operation. Everybody who works with Tiny were aware of some unusual activities involving tubes of cream cheese and moles but the scale of this thong deceit has taken everybody by surprise. It was thought that investigators would soon announce that they could not prosecute anybody on charges relating to the moles, but this new investigation is rapidly gathering evidence. The authorities have already seized Tiny’s thongs and as secondary ‘secret’ thong collection has been found in his home. It’s believed that it’s in this second collection that the padded thongs were discovered.

Investigations are on going but if any of the accusations are proved, they might lead to Tiny being forced to resign his position as President the of Welsh Stripper’s Union.

I'll give you more information when I can but this is the best I can do without the risk of being thrown in prison.

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