Friday, March 16, 2007

Carpe Diem


As I write, the clock says it’s ten minutes past ten. If things had gone according to plan today, I should now be about to snatch the last inch of silk string hiding my modesty and reveal myself to Bangor’s late night crowd. I was due on stage ten minutes ago.

So what am I doing, sitting here and typing on my laptop? I’m a bit embarrassed to admit it, but I tore a muscle this afternoon.

It happened when I was reading Auden. In fact, it happened because I was reading Auden. If I’d been reading any other book, none of this would have happened. I knew this education was a bad thing. I also blame Robin Williams.

It happened like this. Gabby’s still chasing up singing work (I know what you’re thinking but you’ve got to give the girl marks for trying) so she left me at home to get to grips with my literature assignment. I sat myself down and opened my brand new copy of The English Auden. I thumbed my way trough a few pages until I found myself a shortish poem to get me going.

After struggling for half an hour, mumbling the words as I read, I began to realise I was doing something wrong. don’t know much about poetry but I was damn sure Mrs. Rust wouldn’t have me mumbling. And that’s when I thought about Dead Poet’s Society, the film. It’s a great movie and one of my favourites until the guy from Robocop blows his brains out. That’s not important, though. What is important is that I thought about the film and decided that if I really wanted to understand my literature coursework, I really needed to read the poems aloud and, preferably, while standing on a table.

The only table I could do it on was the kitchen table but I’ve never been a man to let little details sway me. I climbed up on the kitchen work surface and began to read out the poem in my best literary voice.

And, do you know that it actually helped? The words jumped from the page and I could see their every meaning. It was like I’d just been awakened into a new and beautiful world.

Almost as beautiful as the pool of tea that I slipped in just as I was about to hit the last rhyme.

I fell from the table, cracked my skull against the dishwasher and my back against the edge of the tumble dryer. The pain was excruciating at first but eventually eased into a dull throbbing pain I knew only too well. I had aggravated the injury that kept me out of stripping for much of last year.


mutterings and meanderings said...

I believe, Chippy, that things happen for a reason... weren't you just saying how you were ready for a career change? And you'd go out on a high after picking up your award ...

BTW, have you backed Exotic Dancer in the Gold Cup?

Blockhead said...

Why Chippy, I am very sorry to hear of this accident! Many thanks for your kind comment on my blog, I am in fact a long-standing fan of yours. I hope you recover swiftly so the ladies of Bangor don't get too distressed by the absence of their favourite thonglateer...

rilly super said...

Oh my dear chap, I dread to think which bits of you must now be encased in a plaster cast. Nowhere that stops you putting your thong on I pray.

Chippy said...

Thank you all for your kind words.

M&M, yes things happen for a reason, which is why I put my faith in the omens and had £10 on Exotic Dancer to win.

Blockhead, great to see you found you way here. You've started a great blog but if you're a long time fan, why have you not taken any pictures of my show?

Rilly, not plaster but lots of ointments and muscle rubs. My thongs are fine though they don't give me much in the way of lumbar support. I'm looking into buying myself an orthopedic thong.