Sunday, June 10, 2007

I Give You: The President

Well loyal thonglateers, your friendly neighbourhood Chipster has decided to take your sagely advice and accept the high honour offered to him and become the new Chairman of The British Thong Society.

Your messages of support had me firmly convinced but my decision was hardened even more by this weekend's phone message from Fern Britton. I thought I better get in there before she tries to outdo me and promise them the earth and Philip Schofield. And to be perfectly honest about it, I began to realize that this might be the only honour coming my way in the near future; what with the Blog Power awards now slipping from my slightly oily grasp. Unless we can stage a recovery, I think James will be presenting himself with the award.

Knowing I wouldn't be able to go up and pick up a Blog Power, I turned my attention to the BTS over the weekend and was very pleasantly surprised with what I discovered. I’m to be the head honcho of one of the most well established and respected societies in London. They have some quite auspicious links. Wikipedia doesn’t throw a damn thing up about them (I'll have to see to that) but once Gabby noticed that they'd provided a web address at the top of their letter, I began to see that I was onto a winner. Did you H.G. Wells was one of the founding members?

They have a rather poor website, which I think it would be my first duty to improve, and a proper domain name might help them connect with the younger generation. However, that’s all for the future. For the moment, I just want to mention that Gabby has decided to mark the occasion by destroying a little more of the planet.

She’s bought me an air conditioning unit the size of a small fridge. Because of the orientation of the flat, the main living room and my office get intolerably warm during the day. During the summer, I can barely sit down and write for more than five minutes without getting frustrated with the heat. That's why last summer I did most of my posting from the local library, full as it was with the winos in their Bermuda shorts and wearing straw hats. Gabby says that the President of the British Thong Society needs to take more care of himself and his thong. Which is why, though the heat is splitting the concrete outside my window, the thong between my thighs is barely body temperature and as for my body temperature, it is 'oh-so-cool-thank-you-very-much’.

Lovely.

9 comments:

Mopsa said...

what a busy boy - no wonder Gabby had to take temporary control. Can we have her back on bank holidays and duvet days?

Jan Tregeagle said...

Well, congratulations.

Big Chip Dale said...

Mopsa, it's purely a honorary position, you understand? I hope I don't have to do too much, though I think I can bring more than a higher quality thong to the table. We'll see.

Thank you Jan. I'll be making you all associate members as soon as my position is confirmed.

rilly super said...

hail to the chief!

I'll be voting for you untill the end Chip and I'm not just saying that because of your new elevated social standing.

Daily Referendum said...

Well done Chip.

How about a new motto:

The British Thong Society - having a good crack since 1912.

Big Chip Dale said...

Thanks Rilly. My support is sagging and it's an experience I'm not enjoying one bit.

Steve, that motto works for me. I think 'Between Buttocks Clenched' is a bit pretentious. Now I'm taking up this post, I expect to bring a new modern attitude to the Society.

james higham said...

...what with the Blog Power awards now slipping from my slightly oily grasp...

Chip, what are you talking about? You're right in there in the Wordsmiths but don't be forgettin' - I've kissed the Blarney, so I have.

Rilly Super is voting for you to the end but are you aware that I've also been voting for you? I'm going to drop four or five on you tomorrow.

It's a strange, convoluted world we live in. Chip, I hope you don't think you can only vote once a day? This was explained yesterday that it depends on IP addresses.

So if you and Rilly and one or two others nip in a few times, there are twenty votes just from your stable alone.

This thing's not over till the fat lady ...

Duck said...

Congratulations Chip old bean! I knew that in the clinch you could pull it out. You're standing tall, my friend.

Ms Baroque said...

Chippy this eminence is nothing less than what we would expect of you, our thonglateer-in-chief.

It hardly matters, anyway, about it being an honorary position, now you've got Mrs Arafat's money...