Friday, August 10, 2007

Aftershave

Gabby often tells me that I’m cursed by good looks but the reality is that I have a face that doesn’t seem to age. Chip Dale, they say, you look so youthful you must have a secret.

Well, it might come as something of a surprise to you but I’m not one of these men that buy into the culture of the ‘new man’. I don’t want to be in tune with my feminine side. I don’t buy male grooming products and I despise beauty products made for men. When I buy an aftershave, I don’t want wrinkle-free moisturiser. I want something that will give me wrinkles like Lee Marvin.

But it’s harder to be an Old Guy these days. It’s becoming almost impossible to buy a bottle of something akin to white spirit that I can slap on my face to avoid razor burn. A few years ago, Boots sold their own brand of no-nonsense aftershave with names like Freshwood. Now there’s three shelves of moisturizer, skin tonic, pre-shave lotion, and more balms than you’ll find in the Old Testament. There are anti-wrinkle creams and lubricants to make the shave easier.

It's all a scam. Under the pretence of giving me more choice, they give me less. They want to make me into a consumer when all I wanted was a simple bottle of aftershave.

7 comments:

Reading the Signs said...

Hang on - since when is 24 (which according to your profile is the age you are) supposed to be old? And might this account for the apparent miracle of your ageless face?

About the other things - products etc. - remember Albania.

Andrew said...

Fight the power, Chip.

Big Chip Dale said...

It's a thing of the spirit, RTS. Age has nothing to do with it. I just don't like to be told I need things I don't want.

Andrew, I'm down with it. I'm there. I'm happening. I know what you're saying. Say word. Whatever...

Andrew said...

You're not the guy who got kicked out of Public Enemy cos he was too fecked up on drugs & kept attacking cops, Chip?

Big Chip Dale said...

Yo. Is me. Yo ma dog? No tellin how bad I am...

Er. Sorry about that... No, Andrew. That wasn't me. I was the one with the large clock hanging from my neck. And back then, I was black and wore my pants baggy.

Andrew said...

I think the reason given, as you no doubt remember...though perhaps not, you look to have been a bit out of it... was that you were fed up with people asking you the time so Flavour Flav, as you were known then, took the wise step of wearing a clock around his/your neck to ward off the unwanted interrogations regarding the particulars of the human time concept as it applied at the relevant moment.

Charles J. said...

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