Wednesday, January 24, 2007

The Question of Iraq: A Stripper's Perspective

People are already coming up to me in the street and asking: Chippy, are you really just a one trick pony? And I have to tell them: yes, yes, I think I probably am only a one trick pony. My trick is to make ladies swoon and what a trick it is! And as for the bit about being like a pony, we’ll there are things that bless those of us born with the Dale genes…

But I think I see what you’re all getting around to wondering is whether Chip Dale will be a success in the world of blogging. What makes him tick? What’s his opinion on the big issues of the day? When will he be launching his own TV channel covering Westminster politics but from a nude angle? Well, all this will come in time. Funding has to be put in place. Baby oil ordered in bulk. Negotiations are already under way to bring Donal Blaney from 18 Doughty Street to my little studio above the ladies' hairdressers in Bangor. We’ll see what we can do. Watch this space…

Regarding the big issues of the day, I think you’ll find that I’m a man with strong opinions on most things. Take Iraq, for instance. You should know that The Chipster hates the idea of war. He’s a thongmonger not a warmonger. But he’s no quitter either, even if it does mean not living up to his Lib Dem roots. I watched the State of the Union last night and I found myself thinking about how the problems of Iraq resembles the life of the nightclub slick hipster. Many has been the time I’ve looked on a room full of drunk beauticians from Rhyl and thought to myself: I really don’t fancy getting naked in front of them! But what choice did I have? To run away would have made things much worse. Bangor or Baghdad: withdrawal might easily spark civil war.

‘But Chip,’ I head you cry, ‘can a Welsh stripper really support the idea of our keeping forces in Iraq?’ Well, I’ll tell you. Exotic dancing has taught me many things and the greatest is the lesson of ‘containment’. Keep everything in its own pouch and you can be sure things will be okay. There’s no use letting our forces go flopping about all over the place! It’s no good for anybody. The situation in Iraq may be bad at the moment, but to withdraw troops would leave those poor people to face even greater problems in the long term. That is not The Chipster’s way.

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