Thursday, January 25, 2007

On British Blogging, Tinned Peaches, and The Easy Option

What makes a good blog?

I’m a virgin when it comes to blogging, so feel free to ignore the way I thrust my pelvis forwards and backwards as I think and write. Besides, I’m sure blogging has no connection to the world of male stripping and it would be foolish to imagine that thong size has anything to do with it. As far as I can see, everybody involved in British Blogging seems to be fairly relaxed, nice people. Respectable too. And nobody ever ever looks at their readership figures! We all live in bliss in this happy virtual world. The Chipster has the worst and best blog in the country. As do you. As do all of us. It works like that, right?

But what am I supposed to do now? How does this blogging malarkey really work?

Regularity

Gabby tells me that I have to update once a day with some wry little anecdote of our life here in Bangor. I can see how this might work. I should thoughtfully consider and polish each line as carefully as I might slowly run a finger down the zip on my garage mechanic outfit. The ladies like that… But my darling little Banshee tells me that many of her Romanian friends update half a dozen times a day with random little musings about pretty much anything. This, I guess, is just like as I might throw off my Superman costume with no thought to the tease of the strip. The ladies only like me to do this when they’ve had a bit too much Rum and Coke and have a taxi waiting.

So the question is, fellow thongaleers: What’s more important to a blog? Quantity or quality?

Many blogs don’t update for days on end. Others update every few hours. But if you lead the life of The Chipster, you’d never have time to read these outpourings of inner monologue. And I don’t want to become the sort of person to bore you with:

'Have you seen the price of a tin of peaches in syrup these days? I’ve just been to Tesco and I’m appalled at how many you get in a tin and for sixty nine pence! Anyway, I’ve created a button for us all to post on our blogs so we can campaign for a reduction in the price of tinned peaches.'

There then usually follows sixty nine comments agreeing that the price of tinned peaches is too high and discussing the economic significance of peach sales to the UK economy and whether Tony Blair is stocking tinned peaches in some warehouse in Kent so he can have cheaper holidays in the regions where tinned peaches come from.

I’m sorry. I’m getting a bit agitated. My oily fingers are beginning to slip from the bloody keyboard.

Content

Which brings me to the question of content.

I’m a busy man. There are many many women in Bangor who rely on my services. So, I’ve been wondering how can the Chipster fulfil the desires of so many hundredweight of hormones whilst also satisfying his blog’s insatiable craving for content?

And then, this morning, I woke up with a bright idea. I could turn this blog into one of those places that don’t bother trying to do anything original! For all of twelve groggy seconds, I thought to myself: take the easy route, Chipster, old boy! Who doesn’t enjoy pictures of naked chicks? And when I run out of pictures of naked chicks, I could post the occasional bit of YouTube video. You know: babies doing funny tricks, serious tobogganing accidents, people settting their pets on fire, last night’s TV, a healthy big of voyeurism. It’d be sure to bring in the punters. Greatest blog in the world!!!

I told Gabby about my idea and she gave me one of those Romanian silences involving high pitched notes you can’t actually hear but make your teeth ache.

So, tomorrow, I’ll have to think of something new to write about. The Chipster won’t be choosing the easy way out. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. He’s a man of principle. It’s like that bit in my escapology act when I’m tied naked in a mail sack full of otters. Those a proper shackles, locks, and otters I use. And it takes me so long to get out, I sometimes wonder if the end result is worth all of that trouble.

Perhaps blogging and stripping aren’t that dissimilar after all.

7 comments:

fs said...

Quality. Quality! QUALITY!!!

No, seriously. Quality.

I read sporadicly. The places where I become a repeat offender are the ones that may update only once or twice a week but invariably are well written and thought provoking.

I also think most serious readers use some sort of feed reader. You aren't going to lose regular readers because they come to your site manually for three days and don't see an update, they will have favorited you in Technorati, added you to Bloglines, or something similar that will let them know when you have updated.

The sporadic readers (like myself) may not set up feeds, but the frequency of visits is such that you will most likely have fresh content up anyway.

I ignore places that post drivel seventeen times a day. My time is more valuable than reading the mental diarrhea of the online masses.

That's my input on the quality vs. quantity question.

Chippy said...

Amen to that Brother Firesnake! The Chipster bestows on you his golden thong of the day for a quality comment and with it a hand-crafted link in my blogroll. Now I just hope I can provide quality to keep you coming back.

Blamerbell said...

Quantity: reams and reams of crap. That's what keeps people coming back.

You're doing just fine:)

Chippy said...

Blamerbell, you've set our dear sweet Gabby crying again! How could you? And a Welshman too! Do you know what she sounds like when she sobs? Rats being gassed in a drain are more pleasing to the ear.

However, I take your point. I will try my very best to continue to post my high quality rubbish. Between the two of us, we'll make the Welsh blogosphere proud.

Anonymous said...

me in Liverpool says just jogalong boyo your doing well

Theo Spark said...

Nothing like a bit of totty to liven up a blog

Chippy said...

The Chipster thanks Mr. Anonymous.

The Chipster says to Mr. Theo Spark: I wouldn't know where to find pictures of 'totty' but if I did then I'd clearly have a quality blog.