Getting Naked

The Chipster’s heart stopped for a few minutes today. I read the news that the Tories are thinking of introducing ‘naked streets’.

Thongtastic! I thought. Halle-groovin-luiah! We might begin to have a fair system in this country where a man is judged by his body and not by his wallet or the car he drives. No longer would we be allowed to hide our flab behind clothes. We would be forced to show off exactly what we’re doing to ourselves. It would herald a new kind of democracy where people took pride in themselves. And in a nation that finally sees the wonderful results of exercise, the Chipster would be a king among men.

I asked Gabby what she thought of the idea and she didn’t seem impressed at all. She told me they’ve already got something like this in Romania. What a progressive country it is! But all those nations out there seem to appreciate their bodies more than we do here in Wales or even the UK in general. I have Estonian relatives myself so I imagine that’s where I get the genes that gave me such a bloody fabulous body.

It was a shame that I had to ruin my afternoon by reading the whole article. That’s when I understood that the plans had nothing to do with widespread nudism but removing markings from the nation’s roads.

Clearly, it’s not as good an idea as the one I’ve already outlined. The Chipster’s plan would save so much money in the NHS that we could fund free tanning sessions for every person in the country. I’ve already rang up my local MP so don’t be surprised to see my idea appear in the next Lib Dem manifesto.