Monday, January 29, 2007

Odd Jobbing

Well I’m back!

It’s been a long old day, spent fully dressed in crowds, and I’ve not got long to explain what I’ve been up to. Gabby's immigrations officer has given her tickets for the theatre and she thinks it will broaden my tastes to watch some Ibsen. Apparently Ibsen is very big in Romania where he's considered a rioutous laugh much like the French consider Jerry Lewis. To be honest, I’m not really up for a night at the theatre but I am full of hope that Bangor’s Community Theatre Group have the talent to put on a good show. Last year’s panto wasn’t too bad at all and since they so clearly mastered Jack and the Beanstalk, I'm intrigued to see what this Peer Gynt is all about. If it's anything as good as Jerry Lewis's Nutty Professor, I think I'm in for a fun packed evening.

And at the very least, I can be sure it will be very different to how I spent my day.

If you’ve seen the news, you’ll have heard about these new security cameras the Home Office are considering installing in Britain’s high streets. You know the things: broad coverage of shoppers, with full zoom and pan functionality, and they can also see through your clothes. Apparently, they’re all the rage abroad.

Well, today was all about The Chipster making a few honest pounds by starring in promotional videos for these cameras. I can’t tell you any inside information except I spent hours dressed in a rather fetching suit and I walking around Birmingham. I went up and down every main street, stood in bus queues, posed as I looked thoughtfully at my watch, signalled taxis, read the newspaper… All the typical actions of your typical commuter/terrorist. All the time, high above, cameras were following me, peeling back my clothes to reveal the fake gun strapped to my naked inner thigh. I’ve seen the pictures and I look wonderful naked and hairless. I’m sure they’ll be a huge success in the better looking parts of the country.

However, I don’t know if I’m all for using technology to undress. I’m a bit old fashioned in that respect. I like to do things the manual way. Zips and buttons have never let The Chipster down and I trust that they never will. I’m also not so sure the government will be able to get these cameras past the stripper unions. Our membership are very protective of our skills and it would be tantamount to stealing our livelihood.

Right, my dear little Romanian songbird is screeching from the car. I have to get moving. Ibsen and Bangor's finest part-time thespians awaits.

No comments: