Tuesday, October 23, 2007

The Leadership Test

‘You tend to see threats everywhere and always focus on worst case scenarios’!

Well, not normally, I don’t. Not unless I’ve just been compared to one of the most reviled figures of the twentieth century. I mean, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit upset at the outcome of this personality test.

I have to thank Steve at The Daily Referendum for bringing this little gem to my attention. I'm still as paranoid as ever, but now in a one-testicle kind of way. I honestly thought I'd emerge as a John Major figure, heavily into underpant usage and light on foreign policy. To say I'm a little disappointed is an understatement, though Gabby is telling me to take it as a omen of bigger things ahead.

‘Such as Poland?’ I asked.

She laughed. ‘You mustn’t always interpret these things as being negative. Try to see positive side of it.’

‘I’m trying,’ I said, looking down at my black leather thong and wondering if there was something more to my liking it than the comfort of feeling a fur lining against my loins. ‘You don’t think I look a little too Nazi in this?’

‘Thong good,' she replied, 'but I think boots don’t suit Chippy.'

I went and stood in front of the mirror. My knee high black leather boots were meant to keep my feet warm on these cold Bangor nights. ‘You do know that if I don’t wear these, I’ll have to bring out my big electric slipper?’ I explained.

She frowned at the idea. For those of you not in the know: my office is on the cold side of the flat and, after three hours writing, my feet can be like blocks of frozen anti-fungal cream. Gabby thinks my Scholl heated slipper is a bit too geriatric.

‘Look,’ I said. ‘I can look like Thora Hird or Adolf Hitler. It’s a hard decision but it’s one you have to make.’

She thought a moment or two longer than I expected given the moral equation she was trying to solve. ‘Thora Hird,’ she replied, finally. ‘Nice lady. Much missed by Gabby.’

I kicked off my jackboots as I went to search out the big slipper in the spare room.

‘Do you think I’m safe?’ I asked ten minutes later as I came hopping into the room in search of a spare plug socket. ‘You don’t suppose Steve at The Daily Referendum is going to tell me that Thora Hird was a war criminal and that the big slipper is a sign of my tacit approval of her zimmer frame policy of 1944? My feet couldn’t take another cold winter.’

Gabby helped plug me in. ‘Gabby sure Steve understands,’ she said. ‘In fact, I bet he has big Thora Hird slipper too.’

And do you know what, my kind readers: I bet he does. I bet he does...


Momentary Academic said...

Once you mentioned the possibility of my seeing you in a leather thong, I lost all train of thought.

Thanks for the lovely thought, Chippy!

Big Chip Dale said...

But what about a man in a thong and a large thermal slipper? I'm seeking fashion advice from everybody. Do I stick with the books or go the full Thora?

Colin Campbell said...

I am Einstein, who is only slightly less loony than your alter ego. I don't feel that intelligent.

rilly super said...

well, I just glad you did't get that same personality test at a job interview chip, although I suppose there are some organisations where you might have actually been promoted to a post much higher than you you applied for if that was the result, sigh

Mopsa said...

Hitler/Thora, jackboots/thermal slipper - Chip you have surpassed yourself in true originality

Sean Jeating said...

hurry up, do get finished your opus. And forget about any professorchip at Bangor university. Right now my closest friend, Tetrapilotomos, let me know that via his absolutely honest and trustworthy source he has come to know that the Georgia Augusta in Göttingen after being awarded with the most meaningful title “elite university” last Friday, by investing the 100 million Euro - i.e. 20 additive millions for each letter of the tiny word elite - with beginning of April 1st, 2008 will be the very alma mater to implement the first chair for thongistics & ecdysiastics on this planet.
According to his deep throat, Tetrapilotomos goes on, the call will be addressed to the worldwide leading capacity on this field.
Being asked for detailed information, the authorities would have refused “to tell more in such an early stage”, by adding that “the wise hen would neither cackle nor gackle before the egg is laid”. But allegedly there slipped two syllables straight from the horse’s mouth: Bangor.

Thus, be prepared, Prof. Dr. thong. ecdys. in spe Chip Dale.

Bruce Forsyth said...

I am Bruce Forsyth

Ms Baroque said...

Go the full Thora, Chip, we your fans will support you - physically, if need be.

Mopsa said...

I finally got around to doing the test - Saddam Hussein no less, apparently unafraid of confrontation and the toughest on the block. To add to the insults, folks who don't like me had better like chemical weapons. I scare myself!

Big Chip Dale said...

I've just noticed that I've missed answering all these comments. Forgive me everyone. So, from the top:

Colin, that's admirable. As for being intelligent, you more than anybody should now know it's all relative.

Rilly, it perhaps explains why I never get to the interview whenever I've been asked to do one of these tests. I always thought it was my jackboots and habit of spitting as I spoke to them.

Mopsa (part 1): thank you. I try my best.

Sean: I've finished chapter one. I just need to find space to post it. I'm excited by the news. If Bangor should call, I'll be there for them. I've already got plans for an MA degree in thong readjustments.

Bruce: I think not. You're just delusional.

Ms. Baroque, go for what? Invading Poland? You must be careful. Given my personality, I don't need the encouragement.

Mopsa (part 2): I raise your Saddam by my Adolph. I believe I win.