Thursday, October 18, 2007

A Day of Disappointments

The line of newly decapitated chickens left to drain over the bath tub told me that this was not going to be a day full of sunshine. I knew as much when I switched on my PC this morning. My attempts to lure Telegraph readers here with my newly launched blog had resulted in nice round figures. The round figure happened to be zero, which was also the number of people I'd managed to attract here after reading my post about Gordon Brown’s lack of humour.

If I didn’t know better, I’d say that these Telegraph readers are a somewhat humourless bunch, conservative in their tastes, and the type of people who can’t appreciate a handsome Welshman in a thong. I also have another more sobering suspicion: that the Chipster has found his level. I shouldn’t post on anything other than generously proportioned underwear, genitals, and guide dogs for the blind. If recent comments are an indicator, I should also get drunk every night and go out on early morning raids to adjacent blogs where I should leave my badly types ramblings.

The utter failure of my posts at My Telegraph has been an ever greater disappointment because I’ve been giving more thought to trying to find a little work in freelance writing. I’m not sure what I could write, where I could sell it, nor who would buy it, but I have been reflecting on how stupid it was to turn down the chance to write for Britain’s best known publisher of hardcore pornography. I might not have known many of the words but, as Gabby pointed out, what are dictionaries for if not for looking up all the filthy synonyms for parts of the body?

The second big disappointment was Gabby’s announcement that she and her sister intend to record a third Cheeky Girls album. It was the reason for the chickens. She claims that white meat helps her vocal chords. Help them do what, is what I’d like to know. I’ve hidden this news here in the body of the post because I don’t want to unduly alert the media. The last time the Cheeky Girls got back together, the government stuck a military cordon around Bangor. It might not mean much to you but the people of Bangor suffer when those girls start to sing. They’re already talking about guest vocalists including Charlotte Church. I don’t think I need to say any more.

The third disappointing thing I’ve discovered today is that a good friend of mine, an honourary thonglateer and second most handsome man on the planet, will no longer be the head of the Welsh Liberal Democrats. The good news is that he’s hoping to become chairman of the Lib Dems next year. I wish him well with that. I really do. If more men were like Lembit Opik, this world of ours would be a better place.

The last disappointment to come along was the news that Richard Madeley is considering giving up blogging. Yes, you heard me right: it is a disappointment. I feel sorry for the man. I really do. We’ve had our public fallings out but we all know that they were only for the cameras. It was done in the best possible taste. I like reading his blog and I want him to reconsider. Come on Dick. Chin up. All three of them.

This has been an odd bitty post but I’m a bit of an odd man. I’m now off to write something intellectual for My Telegraph. I might even wear a cravat.


Julia Buckley said...

Aw, chin up Chip!

Richard Madeley said...

Thanks for the support Chip. I see Julie has beat me here and that she's comforting you too. Did she mention to you that I'm not a twat? I'm glowing with the warmth coming from people. It's like sitting next to Denise Robertson on the old This Morning couch.

kate said...

I guess the telegraph readers dont know their thong from their french knickers...bad people not visiting your blog.On the plus side you inspired me to look at the telegraph and start a blog and i even had a few replies.

Big Chip Dale said...

Julia, I'm cheerful enough despite everything. At least, I'm nowhere near as miserable as Richard.

Richard, you must keep going. You're doing okay for a beginner.

Kate, remember me when you're a big name columnist. Remember that the old Chipster inspired you. I had replies too, but unfortuantely they either misunderstood me or had a chat between themselves. I don't think outsiders are that welcome. Perhaps I should blog on something other than Bernie Clifton's significance to modern political debate.

Momentary Academic said...

I think that you should just start writing. Send stuff to magazines and see what happens. I believe in you, Chip!

elberry said...

Fuck 'em all, Chip. They're all whores, filth, rotters and backstabbers, to hell with them!

Jane Henry said...

Chip I have something shameful to admit on this (and any other) blog.

I read the Daily Telegraph...

And I'm keen on this thong thayng...
SO take heart. Some of us are quite modern you know.

I did think their blog thing was a bit weird.

And your oddity shines as a beacon of lucidity in this crazy world.

You made me laugh out loud with your dental post the other day. Breaking into the print media is pretty tough y'know so don't give up yet.

Mind you, I don't know what you're doing distracting yourself from your leadership campaign for. Haven't you got enough to do?