Wednesday, April 18, 2007

A Letter From Mrs. Arafat

'With God all things are possible.'

I thought it a rather nice sentiment, coming, as it did, from the widow of the gentleman to your right. I like to think that God is laid back, flexible, and doesn't mind if we make the odd mistake.

I also thought it an admirable phrase, coming as it did in an email from an unexpected fan. It turns out that Mrs. Yasser Arafat reads my blog and is a huge admirer of Welsh thongdom. She also recommends that I visit Dublin and asks that I allow her to deposit $18 million dollars in my bank account. What can a man say? I've accepted, naturally...

I can tell you’re just a little bit suspicious. You’re wondering why Mrs. Arafat wants to symbolically thrust $18 dollars down the Chipster’s thong? That’s nearly nine million pounds, or 1, 800, 000 five pound notes. I have a pretty room thongs but to be honest, I think that even I would find it all a rather tight fit. Where would I put my spare set of keys? Well, to put your suspicions at rest, read the following, my thong-loving friends. Then admit that the Chipster moves in some rarefied company. has sent this email to you to recommend the following page from, the official tourist information web site for Dublin:

Dear Friend,
I am Mrs.Suha Arafat Yasser from Palestinian. I am married to the late formal head of state of Palestinian for several years before he died in France after a brief illness. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only few days. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $18m (eighteen million U.S.Dollars)with a BANK in London. Presently, I have carefully moved this funds out of the bank in London and deposit it with a private company in Europe as a photo material for family use for safe keeping so that my govern we not know about this funds as they have already seized and freeze all the bank account belonging to my late husband both home and abroad. In fact the total sum allegedly discovered by the Government so far is in the tune of about $6.5 Billion Dollars. And they are not relenting on their effort to make me poor for life. As you know, the Moslem community has no regards for woman, hence my desire for a foreign assistance. You can visit the BBC news broadcast below for better understanding of what I am talking about.

It is on this note that I'm asking your partnership to keep this fund to your account. I took this decision because my government is not in good terms with me; I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of the presence of my government agents around me always. I don't want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of my lawyer who is base in London Uk to finalize this transaction with you. You are to contact my lawyr through this email address ( )
Best Regards,
Mrs. Suha Arafat Yasser
The poor woman is obviously no typist as there are just a few typos here and there, but I expect she’s still feeling the grief at losing dear old Yasser. But it’s nice to see that she’s making her independent way in the world.

Gabby thinks it's a wonderful offer and has insisted that tomorrow I nip down to my BANK (the capitals are how Mrs. Arafat seems to like them) and see what can be arranged.

I only have one question for you. Should I reply? How to you respond to the ex-wife of a powerful power broker? What should I say? Do you think she’d be interested in free tickets to one of my shows?


Anonymous said...

The amount changes but the message is still the same ,used to get loads of them , but changed my email address ,and use a Yahoo dump email when I post on the internet, delete it ,but you will get another one.

Chip Dale said...

That two timing hussy! Typical of Mrs. bloody Arafat. She claims to be my biggest fan and asks me for these very special favours, and then she's off asking every Tom, Dick, and Anonymous for the same.

I wish you'd posted this earlier, before I'd posted a couple of pairs of thongs to her courtesy of the Palestinian embassy.

Ms Baroque said...

You reply, "My very dear Mrs A." So, the drinks are on you, huh?

Chip Dale said...

Ms. Baroque, I've emailed Mrs. Arafat with my bank details but she's not yet replied. Nor have I seen any large sums deposited into the bank account. When they are, I'll book a venue (perhaps the new Wembley Stadium) and I'll put on a free show and drinks for all my readers. It will be a hell of a night. I hope you'll be there.

We just need Mrs. Arafat to come through for us now...

Ms Baroque said...

Ohhh, a show as well! She IS a benefactress.