Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Suffering the BBC Blues

I see now that The Chipster’s continuing grouchiness is partly the result of watching too many food programmes. Rick Stein, Gordon Ramsay, Nigella Lawson… They present a view of food that I’m totally unable to share. Perhaps there are people who are able to afford freshly culled Bulgarian shrimp or that rare form of lemon grass which only grows in the shadow of a Buddhist monastery in Tibet, only I don’t see it for sale at my local Co-Op. Nor do I have oddly shaped dishes to serve it on, nor lots of middle class friends who we have around for dinner and discuss the middle period of Gustav Mahler’s life. TV chefs throw Parmesan cheese around like it’s cheaper than mud and then, usually in a self-pleased air, admit that ‘I don’t particularly like Parmesan and would always prefer to spend that little bit extra and use a cheese scented with the extract of a unicorn’s horn’. Have you seen what a piece of Parmesan cheese is going for these days?

It’s probably the misfortune of many of us that TV presents us with a vision of the world seen through celebrity eyes. Top Gear is the worst example I know. Despite being reduced to cycling everywhere, I still love the show but I do wish they wouldn’t keep reviewing £120,000 cars and then mocking each other when they admit they’re buying one. Clarkson can sound like a terrible bore when he starts on about his supercars. The only one I find I have time for is James May, who seems to have retained a sense of proportion, though he too might stretch my patience if he hands around that Oz Clarke for too long.

I also feel sorry for any poor fool who tries to copy the Top Gear’s challenges, not remembering that whey the trio drive across Africa in a second-hand car, they have a team of people to back them up, if not an army detachment or two. Holiday programmes do the same, presenting exotic locations as if they’re merely a bit further than ‘down the road’. And if you’ve not had your nose rubbed in it enough, leave BBC2 on after Top Gear and watch Ewan McGregor and Charley Boorman ride down Africa.

I suppose many of us have long since realised that we’ll never earn enough to own an Aston Martin, but does the TV have to make it so hard for us? When they mock me for not being able to afford to buy a hunk of cheese, I begin to think that I should save money by not renewing my TV licence. It does nothing but make me feel miserable.


elberry said...

One day, Chip, one shall beat Money down and make it your footstool and slave.

On that day, you will be able to smear parmesan all over your thong and then say, casually, "I don't really like parmesan, I'd prefer to use Richard Madeley's sweat."

Big Chip Dale said...

Indeed, Elberry. As wise as ever. Only, have you seen what Madeley is charging for his sweat these days?

Richard Madeley said...

Hello mortals. Discussing me again? Can't say I blame you. You ask about my sweat. It's not that dear when you compare it to the extract of my musk glands, guaranteed to drive a woman insane with desire. For you Elberry, £100 an ounce, but for Chip, a special deal, £200 an ounce.

And Chip. Cheer up. Don't know what you're talking about it being a slow blogging season. My numbers are well up!

Anonymous said...

Chip, I've just caught up with you after a couple of days away - please don't give up the fight! I've been keeping your blog to myself as a guilty but enjoyable secret. Now I'll tell all my friends, and you will no doubt see your visitor numbers soar by, oh, at least one.
Think of the Bronte sisters (the ones who wrote, not the ones who never made it to adolescence (and forget about their waste-of-space brother)). They toiled for years and years, writing their microscopic masterpieces, and when they eventually graduated to full-size writing they suffered rejection after rejection. Did they stop? No - they carried on until they were published! After which they died tragically young, but that's not my point.
I think you may be over-working, as I'm sure the pre-Christmas party season is revving up. Are you planning any seasonal routines?


Momentary Academic said...

You're still my FAVORITE. Take that Richard!

Dovid said...

have you seen the price of truffles lately?...outragious!

Richard Madeley said...

Momentary Academic, how cruel! Haven't you seen my dance routine with all my celebrity friends? Chip can't hold a thong to that.

Dovid said...

Chip, If I win the Lottery this week I promise to buy you Nigella Lawson sprinkled with white truffles and parmesan cheese....yummmm.

Labourista said...

Chin up Chip! I'm sure your thongs look much better with a smile!