Friday, November 02, 2007

Noise

The young chav neighbour is currently parked outside the flat and is cleaning out his car while listening to music. Drum and bass music pushed through speakers the size of refrigerators and a sub-woofer bigger than the engine.

Is there any way I can make him stop that's legal, doesn't involve Gabby and her knife, and that won’t require my having to go through the courts? I can’t write. I can’t think. I can barely breathe. It’s the sort of dull throbbing noise that disrupts the body’s natural rhythms. And, before you ask, he's not the sort of person who responds to friendly requests.

Until he goes quiet, I will have to be quiet. This is driving me crazy!

12 comments:

Mopsa said...

That's what your environmental health officer is for - give them a call. They can get poked in the eye instead.

Big Chip Dale said...

Really? I didn't know. I'll give it another ten minute and then I'm ringing them.

I hope I can do this anonymously. The guy has friends and they all seem to think they're in 'The Fast and the Furious: Bangor Drift'.

Paul said...

What happened to Gabby's air rifle?

Big Chip Dale said...

Paul, in the immortal words of Captain Wainwaring: I was wondering when one of you would suggest that.

She handed it in at a recent firearms amnesty, filled with remorse at all the wildlife she's killed. Besides, she's managed to get hold of an illegally imported Barrett M99 which can take down light aircraft twelve miles away but is of little use when we want to hit something parked outside the front door.

elberry said...

Tricky one. i'm naturally inclined to beating them down but you either beat them so hard they don't dare retaliate - which would bring you close to killing them - or you live with the knowledge that they're probably going to round up their pals and beat you down later.

i used to ask my chav neighbours in Leeds (who were drug dealers) to turn their pikey music down. They complied for a while but would usually forget after a few weeks, so i'd have to 'ask' again.

They sort of got used to it, and would apologise when they met me in the hallway or on the stairs.

It's not a great idea even to politely ask unless you'd be willing to beat them bloody if they became aggressive. If you are willing to really hurt them, they usually sense it and give in - as long as there's nothing ostensibly aggressive in your demeanour. A combination of surface politeness and the readiness to beat them hard if necessary is usually workable. It's a good idea to have a weapon on your person - not a knife, but something like a bottle, something you could claim you just happened to have when it kicked off.

Remember, if they become aggressive, you can perhaps later tell the court that they attacked you first. If they are typical chavs and you're a retiring Welsh male stripper, your claim would have some credence.

But if anything happens you can't hesitate. You have to immobilise them quickly. They can't get back up again.

Best solution is to move out if you can. In the meantime i'd suggest putting loud music on on headphones. i would also buy a baseball bat and know where it is at all times. i wouldn't mess with blades unless you really know how to use them.

David said...

Chip,why dont you put the RSCRC up the chavs jacksey. It should shut him up.

david said...

The RSCRC is a Romanian Strategic Cruise Roman Candle for those not familiar with fireworks. Hey Chip you might as well put it to good use, no point in saving it, its near enough to Bonfire night & you & Gabs need your beauty sleep.

Big Chip Dale said...

Elberry, you have a singular gift when it comes to Chavs. I imagine you looking a little like the child catched from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, only slightly more frightening.

David, unfortunately, the Romanian Strategic Cruise Roman Candle has been moved out of its base and deployed 'in field'. I've not been told of the location in case the RAF want to take it out before November 5th. All I do know is that Gabby has aimed it towards Manchester.

david said...

Chip, could you please give me advance warning before Gabs sets it off and I will keep the dog indoors. Thanks.
David ....in Manchester

Big Chip Dale said...

Dear God, David. If you're really in Manchester, you'll need to get out of there and fast. Do you friends in Leeds? Bradford? The blast radius of thing thing is enormous. You'd stand more chance if you were being hit by something Russian packing uranium.

David said...

Are you mad Chip! I would rather drown & die in a vat of donkey diarrhea than move to Leeds or Bradford. I will take my chances in dear old Manchester thanks. Besides I have built my own bomb bunker where I keep my mother -in-law. The cheeky cow has,nt paid me a penny in rent to date so I will not feel guilty evicting her. Let me know when you are setting off the firework and I will make sure she is outside. Thanks again.
David

Big Chip Dale said...

Gabby has assured me it won't be going off until November the 5th but I'd get down in the shelter in the afternoon of the 4th, just in case. And may the Lord have mercy on your soul...