Monday, May 21, 2007

Mrs. Yassar Arafat Replies!

On an otherwise dull day when I can't think of anything to write, I can at least prove all you cynics wrong. I had another email from Mrs. Yasser Arafat last night.

Smile if you want to but I’m now a confirmed fan of the dear lady. She’s so sweet that I simply couldn’t say no when she asked to deposit ten million pounds into my bank account. That’s where I’ve been this morning: to check to see if the money transfer has gone through. It hadn’t, but then again, I imagine Mrs. Yassar Arafat doesn’t keep normal working hours. She probably sleeps late on a Monday and does all her accounting in the afternoon when it’s cooler.

You might recall that she had emailed me a while ago about some spot of bother she’d found herself in. It all had to do with ten million dollars lying around in a London account and which she could only access through my bank. I’m not a financial whiz so I can’t tell you the details. All I know is that I was moved by her plight so I emailed her back to offer any assistance I could.

This is the reply that arrived at midnight last night:

Dear Mr. Chippy,

So good you reply so soon. Since Yassar die, I know not what to do with all his money. I thank you for use your bank account. I am happy to state you will be given 10% of the total once the transactions is complete. That is £1,000,000. You are a very fine man. Your family fine too. May you enjoy your money and let it bring you good fortune.

The money to be transfer in next 24 hours.

Your totally best friend,

Yassar Arafat (Mrs.)

Gabby’s not impressed but I think it’s just her natural female jealousy speaking. She doesn’t mind the ladies ogling my body but she does worry when I get on speaking terms with them.

‘Her English is bad,’ is all that she would say and: ‘What kind of woman gives million pounds away?’

It doesn’t bother me. I’ve printed out my email and hung it on the wall. This is the first letter I’ve had from a real first lady, if we don't count that note Mrs. Blair stuck down my thong that night. I say it hardly counts because it was written in lipstick.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you all the good news and when the million pounds comes through, I promise that things will change around here.

6 comments:

Realpolitik said...

You're lucky you get somebody so well known. I usually get some Nigerian princess I haven't heard of.

I do hope for your sake that it is the real Mrs Arafat and not a fraudster. Check out Scambuster 419 for somebody's creative ways of playing them at their own game.

mutterings and meanderings said...

I usually get the Nigerian princesses as well.

Tell her you've 'gone phishing' ...

Jamie Starbuck said...

Perhaps Mrs Arafat has a sister? Could you ask?

rilly super said...

she obviously has a thing for welshmen chip, and who can blame her if she's seen your screensavers.

Ms Baroque said...

That's a new one: "come up and I'll show you my screensavers" - better maybe than "I'll show you my windscreen wipers"...

And once you've got the money you'll be able to sort out loads of stuff won't you! You can buy the collected Oeuvre of Clive James, for a start. Set up a young goats' shelter, maybe get someone to help Gabby with the chickens...

Chip Dale said...

Realpolitk: Are you suggesting it isn't the *real* Mrs. Arafat? How could you doubt such a good soul?

M*M: I don't have a phishing rod. Oh, hang on, perhaps I do...

Jamie: I'll ask her in my next email I need to send because the money still hasn't appeared in my account. I just seem to be having trouble with banks lately. Yesterday, a load of money went missing from my account. I think Gabby's been spending my money again...

Rilly: I think my desktops will be hugely popular in the Middle East. They've probably never seen anything like them. Mind you, I'd like to be you've never seen anything like them either...

Ms. Baroque: We'll all have a huge party. It will make Elton John's bashes seem like children's parties. (But please don't mention your ideas to Gabby. She mind get ideas and spend all my money on opening a donkey sanctuary...)