A Cadbury’s Cream GDA

The Chipster may have one mighty hell of a great bod, or at least that’s what the softer population of Bangor tell him, but he does have a weakness when it comes to chocolate. I’m a man who just can’t say no to a Cadbury’s Cream egg. It’s my Achilles heel, or at least my Achilles’s molar. I’m like a drunk who’s gone too long without tasting whisky if I go a week without a little chocolate in my diet.

Gabby knows this, bless her vagrant little Romanian heart, which is possibly why she bought me a box of four eggs today and left them on my laptop for when I got back from the gym. Unfortunately, I’d left the power on and I returned home to find that one of the eggs had melted over my brand new laptop. I couldn’t fault Gabby for trying. After all, what’s a Sony Vaio compared to the love of a flexible Romanian?

To keep myself cheerful while I tried to get rapidly hardening chocolate from the keyboard, I thought I’d have one of the three (thank you Casio calculator) remaining eggs. I reached for the box and was about to tuck in when I noticed that a warning had been printed on the front.

‘Be treatwise,’ ts said, ‘get to know your GDAs’.

GDAs?

If you’re like me, you’ll have no idea what a GDA looks like. I had no idea I had even one let alone enough to make them plural. I wouldn’t even know how to sponge them down when I’m in the shower.

So, do I hear you ask, what is a GDA?

After much searching, I discovered that they have nothing to do with The Global Development Alliance, the Greater Dublin Area, the Governor Dummer Academy, or even the Gastroduodenal artery (thanks for nothing Wikipaedia), I visited www.betreatwise.org.uk and found out that it means Guideline Daily Allowance. In practice, this means that a single Cadbury Cream egg contains 28.2% of my daily sugar and 0.8% of my daily salt. I could go one but it would only depress you. I did a bit of thinking about this. A box of four eggs give me all my sugar for the day, but I’d have to eat 125 of the things to get enough salt.

I hope you can see my dilemma. These figures seem to make it difficult in the extreme to find a happy balance between the two.

When I thought about it long enough, I began to get the feeling that I could detect the hand of the government in this warning. They get their fingers in every pie, or in this case, in every cream egg. Once you realise this, you have to say that you just can’t beat them. I may as well put my broad oily shoulders behind the scheme and convert to the GDA.

I’ve rang the man who does my website graphics to make me one that says Chip Dale’s Diary contains 73% of your recommended daily amount of bullspit, 13% of your daily wit and wisdom, and only 2% of your chuckles. I’m considering putting a similar warning on all my thongs. I think my audiences should be warned. This item may contain up to 89% of your daily recommended amount of genital.

After I’d arranged all of this, I realised I no longer wanted my cream egg. I’ve left them out for Gabby. She’s Romanian and as you know, that blessed nation refuse to be ruled by anything that comes in the form of a percentage.

Lucky people.