Wednesday, July 04, 2007

The End

I’m finished. I’m done. I’ve reached the point of completion. I’m at an end.

It’s taken me far too long to finish it but a draft of my novel is now sitting finished on my desk in its gloriously unpolished state. Perhaps I’ll post a photograph of it. Perhaps I won’t. There are more problems with it than with an inbred child, more fatal flaws than a Shakespearean hero. In the end, once I’d cut away all the unused chapters that always drop to the end of the big unwieldy document, discarded paragraphs that have never worked, humanely put to sleep jokes that never stood a chance of living, the book weighs in at a rather measly 82694 words. Perhaps I’ll rewrite some of the end and get it up to 90,000… There are more jokes in it than pages, but whether there are more laughs is a different matter. All I do know is that The Chipster needs a rest. Half of it was scribbled too quickly and the rest drawn out of me with the speed of a sadistic dentist pulling a tooth. It took me a month to write the first 50,000 words and five months to write the next 30,000.

I now feel a bit numb yet I’m already thinking about what I’d like to write next…

9 comments:

Mopsa said...

Chippy - are you going to give us any hints on what it is about? Congrats on yanking the first draft into the light. Revel in the achievement.

Big Chip Dale said...

Ha! Look at that, Mopsa. You've adopted a dog for your icon. Gabby's going crazy, petting the screen.

The book is a comedy but has nothing to do with either Wales or stripping. Hard to describe it beyond that. You know the sort of rubbish I write here. It's more of that but much much longer. I've just printed it out and it nearly broke my foot when I dropped it.

elberry said...

love your bowtie, man. Can i hire you to strip for my mother? She thinks i'm gay, apparently.

i wrote a first draft of a novel in about 12 months, spread over two years. i then spent about 2 years editing it almost every night, convinced it'd be 'perfect' within days. The word count kept going up and down as i'd trim the fat then replace it with muscle.

The end result looks like Arnie at the end of Terminator, when he's been crushed & mangled - but his red eyes continue to glow.

Andrew said...

Congrats, Chip.

Mr Blister said...

Well Done!
However, with all that time you've spent writing your magnus opus you've forgotten to update your Twitter box for the last 20 days: "I am up and in my undies"
At least, I hope you've forgotten to update it and you aren't actually in the same pants you were wearing that long ago

Chin chin!

Internet Ronin said...

Congrats, Chip! You deserve a rest, considering how you managed to finish the novel while at the same time leading the T.E.S.T.I.C.L.E. charge.

rilly super said...

chip, it shows your mastery of characterisation ( is that a real word?) that you've been able to put yourself in the shoes of a fully dressed person and write a book which is not about stripping. Well done on finishing it and perhaps after that mishap you will start wearing shoes for real now too...

Jamie Starbuck said...

Well done that man. It just goes to show what chipping away at soemthing can do. I just hope you can live with the guilt of all the trees you're going to be killing nee murdering in the pursuit of publishing success. Selfish rude word. Still, bring on the moolah!

PS Will one be having a launch party to which supportive member of your blog will be invited?

Mopsa said...

Not just any dog, Chippy, that is the real Mopsa, one of my two Bernese Mountain dogs. She'd be happy to lick your foot better - an obliging dog.