The Welsh Amateur Thong Awards!

Wow! What a party! We’re just back from the Welsh Amateur Thong Awards, sponsored by PouchSoft. I must say that I’ve never had such a fun time. Gabby is such a great dancer. I was spinning her round the floor all night and I don’t think her hip popped out on more than twice. And, even when it did, it only took a couple of smacks with a tyre iron to get in back in there and we’d be off again, tripping the light fantastic.

I was there in my role as President of the British Thong Society, and I presented two awards to upcoming strippers. It's great to see young Thonglateers following the footsteps of the great Chipster himself. And what's even better, I ended the night with my hands full!

I'm Back and Bruised

The hammer injury was bad. The stomach upset was much worse. I’ve not had a good few days and I’ve barely written a thing.

But the important news is that I’m back, feeling a little worse for wear, but otherwise in good spirits. I can even type again, with both hands. My swollen thumb has returned to its normal proportions and doesn’t keep painfully hitting the spacebar.

I'm still at something of a loss to know how this whole disaster befell me. All I do know is that despite my inability to do any kind of manual work, Gabby asked me to help her put a new door on her allotment shed. That was on Friday morning. I put on my most hard-wearing denim thong and set to work. On Friday afternoon, I managed to smack the top of my thumb with a claw hammer.

It has at least taught me a lesson about life. Men who are trained to dance, should dance. Those trained to labour, should labour. I’ve commented often on the terrible injuries suffered by those untrained in thongaleering arts, so there should be little surprise when a man suffers from his total inability to hit a nail into a piece of wood.