tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54041436838356771902024-03-21T04:00:56.486+00:00Chip Dale's DiaryLive from Bangor, it's the blog of Wales’s top male stripper, exotic dancer, flyer, political correspondent, thinker, and Romanian chick magnet.Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.comBlogger364125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-14752012959275050122009-07-29T11:35:00.002+00:002009-07-29T11:37:06.206+00:00My Ample MuseI noticed today, over at Thought Experiments, that Bryan complains that his muse has finally deserted him. I know the feeling. I lost my muse (and her knife) to the Romanian military when Gabby joined their Afghan campaign. It left me at my lowest point since 2007 when I came back from my back injury after lifting that glandular traffic warden during the foolish ‘Fireman’s hose’ routine (since Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-18833996438761672792009-07-28T10:38:00.004+00:002009-07-28T10:51:52.809+00:00Long Time No SeeThe juice of many pineapples has oiled these thighs since the last time I wrote this blog. But, as you know, I’ve been travelling, rarely staying long in one place, and surviving on the contents of my thong. It has been exhausting and I’m glad to be home with time to respond to the legion of fans who have been writing to ask after the top male stripper in North Wales. Well, the Thonglateer Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-54468803963413111702008-03-16T00:25:00.004+00:002008-03-16T00:32:29.582+00:00Boris and JohnsonI've never understood the reason why somebody might want to go and stand in a wet field and listen to some outdated rockers screaming their lungs out half a mile away. However, I've still decided to offer my services to this year's Glastonbury festival. With a low number of big name acts, I understand that the punters aren't buying up tickets as they normally do at this time of the year. Perhaps Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-51750472955936777242008-03-13T23:58:00.002+00:002008-03-14T00:01:22.341+00:00Chocolate ChipWhen Gabby poked me with the end of a broom this morning, I knew it was time for my triumphant return to the world of blogging. There were too many things that needed to be said.'Chip, you get out of bed right now!' she scolded as she pressed the handle into my right buttock. 'You dirty dirty man! Dirty!'I could see the reasons for Romanian disgust. I'd gone to sleep a little too quickly last Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-47422709630422656602008-01-06T01:17:00.000+00:002008-01-06T01:24:43.473+00:00The Things I Hope To Happen in 2008 MemeTagged by Trixie, I'm forced to break away of my exercise routine that is helping me to rapidly lose weight. For my first post of the New Year, here are the eight things that The Chipster would like to see happen in 2008.And forgive me if a couple of them are very self-serving...1. A certain book to be published in the Summer leaps to the top of the book charts where it stays for months as the Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-30192634970161822372007-12-25T00:59:00.001+00:002007-12-25T01:08:09.648+00:00Big Chip Dale's Christmas MessageI’ve been away for so long, I wanted to prove that I’m still here in Bangor, living the high life. Actually, things have been pretty grim. Gabby never stops complaining that I do nothing but sit in front of the TV and watch ‘Deal or No Deal’. She says I’ve let myself go.I admit, there might just be a small fraction of truth in that, but I also like to think that I’m the same old Chipster. I’m Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-83285347945290125032007-12-10T13:42:00.000+00:002007-12-10T13:50:13.041+00:00Two FakesIf you ask me to name my favourite of all Orson Welles’ films, I wouldn’t say Citizen Kane. Not that I want to dismiss what’s widely (and rightly) regarded as his masterpiece, but there’s another film that’s much more fascinating, less well known, and far more characteristic of the arch-trickster who once made a large portion of America believe that Martians were invading. That film is F for FakeBig Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-53026757213729560032007-12-07T14:35:00.000+00:002007-12-07T14:40:19.948+00:00Happy Birthday Tom!A reminder from Nige, who happily shares this momentous day with the great man, that Tom Waits celebrates his birthday today.While you're enjoying my favourite of Tom's middle-period songs, the world's biggest self-confessed Waits fan is going to write off the rest of the day and watch 'Big Time' in celebration.Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-58036798032744762202007-12-07T00:55:00.000+00:002007-12-07T01:00:28.565+00:00One of Those Meme ThingsI don't normally go for these memes but at least it's got me writing something and has cheered me up a little... Thanks to Reading The Signs for this.A ~ Available? For parties, hen nights, and poetry readings. Reasonable rates.B ~ Best friend. Oh, Gabby. Of course it’s Gabby.C ~ Cake or pie? Cake. Lemon meringue. Actually, at the moment, I’d prefer flan. Keep things simple. Cheese and onion.D ~ Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-55938038280796521752007-12-05T01:18:00.000+00:002007-12-06T13:27:40.079+00:00The Chip Dale Guide To Handling BirdsGabby informed me that we’re not having Christmas this year.‘You want Christmas, you go have fun with blogging friends. You go with Dick Middlely, The Dirty Referendum, or The Fractional Popstar. Gabby not doing Christmas. We all out of turkey.’This was news in the shade of the unexpected and with distinct highlights matching my shock and surprise. I picked the remote control from my lap and Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-62526059216093481072007-12-03T18:34:00.000+00:002007-12-03T18:46:46.241+00:00Help Wanted: Angry MobHere’s a post to keep my blog ticking over while I’m relining my thongs, reoiling my hips, and giving my buttocks a closer than normal shave. I came across this little offer of free tickets when I was researching my chances of appearing on 15 to 1. Although I’m not going to take the offer up myself, I was hoping that there’d be an angry mob out there who could do the job for me. Gabby suggested Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-90031163440418869722007-12-02T01:04:00.000+00:002007-12-02T01:14:25.815+00:00A Few Mini Film ReviewsNot a stellar lineup this time but I thought I'd post the rest in order to encourage you all to see the first.Rescue DawnChristian Bale gets thin again. This time he’s in the jungle and not eating enough rice. Gabby spent two hours waiting vainly for Dawn to turn up and missed an oddly commercial film from Werner Herzog. The last time Bale ‘got thin’ was for 'The Mechanic', one of the great Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-1956076698075576412007-11-30T14:26:00.000+00:002007-11-30T14:28:28.272+00:00With One Leg On The BarI did two things last night that I’ve not done in a while. I nipped down to the Green Dragon Tavern to loosen my muscles with the first proper dance since my recent accident. The other was to return to writing a novel I’ve left for nearly a month. They were but two of the many reasons why people were commenting on the improvement in The Chipster’s mood.‘Chip,’ said Samantha, the waitress at the Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-40621609831805060452007-11-29T16:15:00.000+00:002007-11-29T16:31:32.453+00:00Chip Dale's DreamShould the Chipster ever profess his love for another man, let that man be Richard Madeley.His offer to sell me the musk from his glands must have touched a nerve last night. It acted on me like some kind of psychic drug that seemed to cleanse my soul. My sleep was like a peyote hallucination. I dreamt that I met Alan Titchmarsh and I was forced to say to his face all the things I’ve ever said Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-20520553647584295402007-11-28T15:20:00.001+00:002007-11-28T15:27:37.436+00:00Suffering the BBC BluesI see now that The Chipster’s continuing grouchiness is partly the result of watching too many food programmes. Rick Stein, Gordon Ramsay, Nigella Lawson… They present a view of food that I’m totally unable to share. Perhaps there are people who are able to afford freshly culled Bulgarian shrimp or that rare form of lemon grass which only grows in the shadow of a Buddhist monastery in Tibet, onlyBig Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-59237237573068128332007-11-26T18:52:00.000+00:002007-11-26T19:00:10.620+00:00On Having Nothing To SayI’ve had nothing to say, so I’ve been choosing to say nothing. I suppose it’s an odd position for any blogger to be in. It seems to me that so many blogs exist precisely because people who have nothing to say want to say something. It’s why we end up reading the mundane details of their lives.So my silence is different. I’m silent because I’m not in the mood to entertain you. Life is difficult. Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-37871649306124234712007-11-24T23:40:00.000+00:002007-11-25T01:08:50.198+00:00Quality Street My Arse!I hate being treated as an idiot by a big corporation, so when I was handed a box of Quality Street today, I knew I’d have to find five minutes to sit down, brood, and then write about the stinging wart on the behind of the British confectionery industry.Those damn heathens, wearing their sheep’s testicle necklaces and waving dead chickens over piles of fuming herbs, they have gone and done it Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-16568919095148351992007-11-22T20:48:00.000+00:002007-11-22T20:51:24.078+00:00The Other Type of ThanksgivingWe men of the thong get asked to do many odd things by apparently normal people. Occasionally we get asked to do very ordinary things by some very odd people. I don’t know which category this falls into but a hit on my statistics attracted my attention. I wish I hadn’t clicked on it and I warn you about clicking on it too. It seems that the old Chipster isn’t good enough for some ladies, who haveBig Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-6975269306308065982007-11-22T14:39:00.000+00:002007-11-22T15:19:32.996+00:00Changing PerspectivesDon’t expect to see much activity on the live Chip Dale monitor today. The subdermal tracking device has been setting off car alarms all morning so I’m restricted to the flat until Gabby can contact her supplier in the Romanian government and find out how to jam the frequency. The confinement has given me time to reflect on the exciting times I shared with Trixy. How we laughed when I got my Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-40867698649106596822007-11-22T12:17:00.000+00:002007-11-22T14:07:20.719+00:00The Yorkshire MoorsIt came to an end, as most adventures of this kind end, at a remote farmhouse on the Yorkshire moors. It had been Trixy’s idea to head north, thinking that Gabby’s natural inclination to veer towards Romanian airspace would steer her in a south-easterly direction. We were wrong. Trixy was busy arranging her shoes in the hay loft that she’d conveniently turned into a walk-in cupboard, when the Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-20819081068404086582007-11-21T01:03:00.000+00:002007-11-21T01:20:53.425+00:00Big Chip Dale's Got Married!I never imagined Armageddon would look like this. I certainly didn’t expect there to be so many shoes.It began last night. The marriage ceremony had been short and relatively sweet. It had also been totally unexpected. I hadn’t planned on getting married this year, though if I had, my money would have been placed on a certain Romanian being the bride and there being a shotgun involved in the Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-24507299300771973502007-11-20T12:14:00.000+00:002007-11-20T12:41:01.699+00:00All The Right MovesThe Chipster is in a dilemma and he doesn’t know what to do. I entered one of my own private thongs, designed and hand sequined by the Thonglateer himself, into a competitive fashion show last week. To my horror, I discovered on Friday that I’d won.‘Mr. Dale, we are so proud to have your thong in our collection,’ said the designer when she rang me on Saturday. ‘Now, as you know, we’ll be doing a Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-87422537116925426882007-11-19T13:25:00.000+00:002007-11-19T13:26:25.801+00:00BackWell, I’m back after my weekend break. I feel a little more energized after avoiding the PC for a whole weekend. I remember the time I once spent a week wearing underpants (due to a medical condition I don’t want to go into) and when I went back to wearing thongs, nothing felt right. It was as though I had my hips on backwards and my buttocks were six inches too high. I feel the same way now Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-9211424797825637822007-11-17T13:22:00.000+00:002007-11-17T13:23:13.926+00:00News From A Sagging ThongWhere is everyone? The blogosphere seems subdued, as if it’s gone into one of those occasional periods of hibernation. Or perhaps that’s what’s called the pathetic fallacy when the truth is that I wasn’t going to blog today. To be honest, I wasn’t going to blog for while.As you can probably tell by my rather mediocre week’s work, my heart hasn’t been in it. I’m lacking my usual slightly crazed Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-86019900242691340692007-11-16T16:16:00.001+00:002007-11-16T16:19:49.203+00:00Stop The World....Shamelessly taken from the Girl Friday blog, the very existence of this book sums up my mood, my week, and I why I want the world to stop right now so I can get off and go do something more meaningful.Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com1