The juice of many pineapples has oiled these thighs since the last time I wrote this blog. But, as you know, I’ve been travelling, rarely staying long in one place, and surviving on the contents of my thong. It has been exhausting and I’m glad to be home with time to respond to the legion of fans who have been writing to ask after the top male stripper in North Wales.
Well, the Thonglateer Extraordinaire has just finished a successful tour of Russia’s oil fields, while here in the UK my public profile is on the rise again. I’ve been asked to appear in the next Cadbury’s TV ad where I’ll be dancing around a pole with a large bar of extra chucky chocolate tucked down my purple silk thong. If you find that hard to visualise, just hum Leonard Cohen’s ‘Paper Thin Hotel’ and you’ll have the atmosphere about right. Cadbury believe it will be a great career boost for Len and they are already talking about my hips as the next set of dancing eyebrows.
I wish I could say that my home life has been as successful as my career but my personal circumstances have changed somewhat since last we spoke. Sadly, Gabby is no longer with me. Having decided that Bangor didn’t offer the right career opportunities for a woman who hoped to rise high in the Romanian military, she’s now in Afghanistan, patrolling Helmand province on behalf of NATO. From what I hear, she’s enjoying herself enormously and the Taliban have already learned to fear her blade.
Losing Gabby was tough at first but the Chipster doesn’t let a little rejection stand in his way. I’m not one to gloat but meet my new girlfriend! Kat is 21 and, due to her ample cleavage, she has a made a successful career modelling brassieres.
We met only a couple of months ago when I did a little modelling on behalf of a famous mail order catalogue. I remember the moment quite well. I was making something of a scene in front of an art director who’d had the audacity to tell me how to wear a moleskin thong. Kat had heard the row and had come over from the other set where shooting had been held up due to a problem of pert nipples among some of the other models.
I looked at Kat’s brassier. Kat looked at my thong. It was love at first sight. Kat has helped me forget Gabby and you might even say that I’m now in a better place emotionally, spiritually, and in terms of cup size.
She’s a lovely Somerset girl but her dream is to travel to North America and trace her Eskimo roots. Being part Inuit, Kat spends one night a week teaching local women how to make bone needles and presents lectures on how to skin a walrus.
Kat does spend lots of time in London but I can always see her by thumbing through the lingerie section of the J.D. William’s Autumn/Winter collection. I know she does the same, spending her long hours in her London flat tucked up with the Kmart catalogue, the page folded down on their range of thermal thongs.
