The Prunic War

Gabby had to massage my buttocks this morning to help rid the tension I’m feeling during these difficult times. She told me that I’m big enough to rise above the insults. I told her that it’s bad enough being insulted by A list celebrities (see my many previous posts about Fern Britton) but when I’m insulted by minor celebs, I think action needs to be taken.

Madeley’s comments about ‘taffy pulling’ are racist in the extreme. I punched the last man to call me ‘Taffy’. I also find Madeley’s threat sexist too. The idea of forcing sexual relief on a Welshman is disgusting. I don’t know what these showbiz people get up to in their green rooms, but just because I wear a thong and strip for a living, it doesn’t mean I’m available to be ‘pulled’ at a moment’s notice.

I hope you’re with me in my determination not to back down. I noticed that Mopsa sent a nicely timed ‘prune juice’ into Madeley’s comments this morning and I hope others will join in the assault. I was disappointed to see Graf von Straf Hindenburg let me down, and him coming from the family that invented high level bombing. By refusing to drop a 'prune juice' in his comment, he has revealed himself to be a cad and a turncoat.

I beg the rest of you to stand firm in the face of this aggression.