The Probiotic Chipster

I feel like one of those adverts for menopausal women so full of good spirits so they run through the streets smashing street lamps and overturning cars. Not that I’m menopausal, you understand…

A month ago, I was having problems with my digestion. Too much bad food or something that just disagreed with the Chipster’s normally clockwork routines left me feeling bloated and generally under the weather. I didn’t want to write and I felt sluggish all the time. That’s when my little Romanian witch doctor friend saw the adverts on TV for these probiotic drinks. I grumbled about the price so she offered an alternative solution, which involved eating a pickled goat scrotum, which is apparently an old Romanian remedy for pretty much anything south of the ribs. I wasn't too happy about the idea but luckily she's been finding it hard to buy pickled scrotums in Bangor. It gave me chance to get down to Tesco to get myself some Muller Vitality.

The result has been frightening. I don’t know where I’m getting all the energy from but I’m full of ideas at 3AM in the morning and have to force myself to get some sleep. Gabby only has to mention needing teabags and I’m in my jogging thong and running down to the shops. Even the blog gets regular action, and I’m spending my afternoons typing at the speed of those same menopausal women I mentioned above. My autobiography is getting longer by the day and I’m managing to fit in an extra couple of shows a week. My weekly thong money has nearly doubled and I’m getting more offers to do gigs as far afield as Wrexham.

There’s a good chance that none of this has got anything to do with the yoghurt, though I think the added Omega 3 is certainly stimulating something upstairs.

So, this is the Chipster’s health recommendation of the week: probiotic drinks work. Or they seem to. Or, at least, they’re a lot better than the pickled goat scrotum.