tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54041436838356771902011-11-27T23:50:48.762ZChip Dale's DiaryLive from Bangor, it's the blog of Wales’s top male stripper, exotic dancer, flyer, political correspondent, thinker, and Romanian chick magnet.Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.comBlogger3641100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-14752012959275050122009-07-29T11:35:00.002Z2009-07-29T11:37:06.206ZMy Ample MuseI noticed today, over at Thought Experiments, that Bryan complains that his muse has finally deserted him. I know the feeling. I lost my muse (and her knife) to the Romanian military when Gabby joined their Afghan campaign. It left me at my lowest point since 2007 when I came back from my back injury after lifting that glandular traffic warden during the foolish ‘Fireman’s hose’ routine (since Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-18833996438761672792009-07-28T10:38:00.004Z2009-07-28T10:51:52.809ZLong Time No SeeThe juice of many pineapples has oiled these thighs since the last time I wrote this blog. But, as you know, I’ve been travelling, rarely staying long in one place, and surviving on the contents of my thong. It has been exhausting and I’m glad to be home with time to respond to the legion of fans who have been writing to ask after the top male stripper in North Wales. Well, the Thonglateer Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-54468803963413111702008-03-16T00:25:00.004Z2008-03-16T00:32:29.582ZBoris and JohnsonI've never understood the reason why somebody might want to go and stand in a wet field and listen to some outdated rockers screaming their lungs out half a mile away. However, I've still decided to offer my services to this year's Glastonbury festival. With a low number of big name acts, I understand that the punters aren't buying up tickets as they normally do at this time of the year. Perhaps Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-51750472955936777242008-03-13T23:58:00.002Z2008-03-14T00:01:22.341ZChocolate ChipWhen Gabby poked me with the end of a broom this morning, I knew it was time for my triumphant return to the world of blogging. There were too many things that needed to be said.'Chip, you get out of bed right now!' she scolded as she pressed the handle into my right buttock. 'You dirty dirty man! Dirty!'I could see the reasons for Romanian disgust. I'd gone to sleep a little too quickly last Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-47422709630422656602008-01-06T01:17:00.000Z2008-01-06T01:24:43.473ZThe Things I Hope To Happen in 2008 MemeTagged by Trixie, I'm forced to break away of my exercise routine that is helping me to rapidly lose weight. For my first post of the New Year, here are the eight things that The Chipster would like to see happen in 2008.And forgive me if a couple of them are very self-serving...1. A certain book to be published in the Summer leaps to the top of the book charts where it stays for months as the Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-30192634970161822372007-12-25T00:59:00.001Z2007-12-25T01:08:09.648ZBig Chip Dale's Christmas MessageI’ve been away for so long, I wanted to prove that I’m still here in Bangor, living the high life. Actually, things have been pretty grim. Gabby never stops complaining that I do nothing but sit in front of the TV and watch ‘Deal or No Deal’. She says I’ve let myself go.I admit, there might just be a small fraction of truth in that, but I also like to think that I’m the same old Chipster. I’m Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-83285347945290125032007-12-10T13:42:00.000Z2007-12-10T13:50:13.041ZTwo FakesIf you ask me to name my favourite of all Orson Welles’ films, I wouldn’t say Citizen Kane. Not that I want to dismiss what’s widely (and rightly) regarded as his masterpiece, but there’s another film that’s much more fascinating, less well known, and far more characteristic of the arch-trickster who once made a large portion of America believe that Martians were invading. That film is F for FakeBig Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-53026757213729560032007-12-07T14:35:00.000Z2007-12-07T14:40:19.948ZHappy Birthday Tom!A reminder from Nige, who happily shares this momentous day with the great man, that Tom Waits celebrates his birthday today.While you're enjoying my favourite of Tom's middle-period songs, the world's biggest self-confessed Waits fan is going to write off the rest of the day and watch 'Big Time' in celebration.Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-58036798032744762202007-12-07T00:55:00.000Z2007-12-07T01:00:28.565ZOne of Those Meme ThingsI don't normally go for these memes but at least it's got me writing something and has cheered me up a little... Thanks to Reading The Signs for this.A ~ Available? For parties, hen nights, and poetry readings. Reasonable rates.B ~ Best friend. Oh, Gabby. Of course it’s Gabby.C ~ Cake or pie? Cake. Lemon meringue. Actually, at the moment, I’d prefer flan. Keep things simple. Cheese and onion.D ~ Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-55938038280796521752007-12-05T01:18:00.000Z2007-12-06T13:27:40.079ZThe Chip Dale Guide To Handling BirdsGabby informed me that we’re not having Christmas this year.‘You want Christmas, you go have fun with blogging friends. You go with Dick Middlely, The Dirty Referendum, or The Fractional Popstar. Gabby not doing Christmas. We all out of turkey.’This was news in the shade of the unexpected and with distinct highlights matching my shock and surprise. I picked the remote control from my lap and Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-62526059216093481072007-12-03T18:34:00.000Z2007-12-03T18:46:46.241ZHelp Wanted: Angry MobHere’s a post to keep my blog ticking over while I’m relining my thongs, reoiling my hips, and giving my buttocks a closer than normal shave. I came across this little offer of free tickets when I was researching my chances of appearing on 15 to 1. Although I’m not going to take the offer up myself, I was hoping that there’d be an angry mob out there who could do the job for me. Gabby suggested Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-90031163440418869722007-12-02T01:04:00.000Z2007-12-02T01:14:25.815ZA Few Mini Film ReviewsNot a stellar lineup this time but I thought I'd post the rest in order to encourage you all to see the first.Rescue DawnChristian Bale gets thin again. This time he’s in the jungle and not eating enough rice. Gabby spent two hours waiting vainly for Dawn to turn up and missed an oddly commercial film from Werner Herzog. The last time Bale ‘got thin’ was for 'The Mechanic', one of the great Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-1956076698075576412007-11-30T14:26:00.000Z2007-11-30T14:28:28.272ZWith One Leg On The BarI did two things last night that I’ve not done in a while. I nipped down to the Green Dragon Tavern to loosen my muscles with the first proper dance since my recent accident. The other was to return to writing a novel I’ve left for nearly a month. They were but two of the many reasons why people were commenting on the improvement in The Chipster’s mood.‘Chip,’ said Samantha, the waitress at the Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-40621609831805060452007-11-29T16:15:00.000Z2007-11-29T16:31:32.453ZChip Dale's DreamShould the Chipster ever profess his love for another man, let that man be Richard Madeley.His offer to sell me the musk from his glands must have touched a nerve last night. It acted on me like some kind of psychic drug that seemed to cleanse my soul. My sleep was like a peyote hallucination. I dreamt that I met Alan Titchmarsh and I was forced to say to his face all the things I’ve ever said Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-20520553647584295402007-11-28T15:20:00.001Z2007-11-28T15:27:37.436ZSuffering the BBC BluesI see now that The Chipster’s continuing grouchiness is partly the result of watching too many food programmes. Rick Stein, Gordon Ramsay, Nigella Lawson… They present a view of food that I’m totally unable to share. Perhaps there are people who are able to afford freshly culled Bulgarian shrimp or that rare form of lemon grass which only grows in the shadow of a Buddhist monastery in Tibet, onlyBig Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-59237237573068128332007-11-26T18:52:00.000Z2007-11-26T19:00:10.620ZOn Having Nothing To SayI’ve had nothing to say, so I’ve been choosing to say nothing. I suppose it’s an odd position for any blogger to be in. It seems to me that so many blogs exist precisely because people who have nothing to say want to say something. It’s why we end up reading the mundane details of their lives.So my silence is different. I’m silent because I’m not in the mood to entertain you. Life is difficult. Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-37871649306124234712007-11-24T23:40:00.000Z2007-11-25T01:08:50.198ZQuality Street My Arse!I hate being treated as an idiot by a big corporation, so when I was handed a box of Quality Street today, I knew I’d have to find five minutes to sit down, brood, and then write about the stinging wart on the behind of the British confectionery industry.Those damn heathens, wearing their sheep’s testicle necklaces and waving dead chickens over piles of fuming herbs, they have gone and done it Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-16568919095148351992007-11-22T20:48:00.000Z2007-11-22T20:51:24.078ZThe Other Type of ThanksgivingWe men of the thong get asked to do many odd things by apparently normal people. Occasionally we get asked to do very ordinary things by some very odd people. I don’t know which category this falls into but a hit on my statistics attracted my attention. I wish I hadn’t clicked on it and I warn you about clicking on it too. It seems that the old Chipster isn’t good enough for some ladies, who haveBig Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-6975269306308065982007-11-22T14:39:00.000Z2007-11-22T15:19:32.996ZChanging PerspectivesDon’t expect to see much activity on the live Chip Dale monitor today. The subdermal tracking device has been setting off car alarms all morning so I’m restricted to the flat until Gabby can contact her supplier in the Romanian government and find out how to jam the frequency. The confinement has given me time to reflect on the exciting times I shared with Trixy. How we laughed when I got my Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-40867698649106596822007-11-22T12:17:00.000Z2007-11-22T14:07:20.719ZThe Yorkshire MoorsIt came to an end, as most adventures of this kind end, at a remote farmhouse on the Yorkshire moors. It had been Trixy’s idea to head north, thinking that Gabby’s natural inclination to veer towards Romanian airspace would steer her in a south-easterly direction. We were wrong. Trixy was busy arranging her shoes in the hay loft that she’d conveniently turned into a walk-in cupboard, when the Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-20819081068404086582007-11-21T01:03:00.000Z2007-11-21T01:20:53.425ZBig Chip Dale's Got Married!I never imagined Armageddon would look like this. I certainly didn’t expect there to be so many shoes.It began last night. The marriage ceremony had been short and relatively sweet. It had also been totally unexpected. I hadn’t planned on getting married this year, though if I had, my money would have been placed on a certain Romanian being the bride and there being a shotgun involved in the Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-24507299300771973502007-11-20T12:14:00.000Z2007-11-20T12:41:01.699ZAll The Right MovesThe Chipster is in a dilemma and he doesn’t know what to do. I entered one of my own private thongs, designed and hand sequined by the Thonglateer himself, into a competitive fashion show last week. To my horror, I discovered on Friday that I’d won.‘Mr. Dale, we are so proud to have your thong in our collection,’ said the designer when she rang me on Saturday. ‘Now, as you know, we’ll be doing a Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-87422537116925426882007-11-19T13:25:00.000Z2007-11-19T13:26:25.801ZBackWell, I’m back after my weekend break. I feel a little more energized after avoiding the PC for a whole weekend. I remember the time I once spent a week wearing underpants (due to a medical condition I don’t want to go into) and when I went back to wearing thongs, nothing felt right. It was as though I had my hips on backwards and my buttocks were six inches too high. I feel the same way now Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-9211424797825637822007-11-17T13:22:00.000Z2007-11-17T13:23:13.926ZNews From A Sagging ThongWhere is everyone? The blogosphere seems subdued, as if it’s gone into one of those occasional periods of hibernation. Or perhaps that’s what’s called the pathetic fallacy when the truth is that I wasn’t going to blog today. To be honest, I wasn’t going to blog for while.As you can probably tell by my rather mediocre week’s work, my heart hasn’t been in it. I’m lacking my usual slightly crazed Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-86019900242691340692007-11-16T16:16:00.001Z2007-11-16T16:19:49.203ZStop The World....Shamelessly taken from the Girl Friday blog, the very existence of this book sums up my mood, my week, and I why I want the world to stop right now so I can get off and go do something more meaningful.Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-38203311483330371572007-11-14T13:12:00.000Z2007-11-14T16:08:54.284ZBlogging From The BathroomFor the sake of my health and my dignity, I’ve locked myself in the bathroom. Gabby is waiting for me outside and she’s armed herself with a pair of lacy knickers. Some might look on this scene of domestic disharmony and think it an example of why relationships don’t last in these troubled times. I merely say it’s good that people can express their honest feelings so we can work them out.The Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-66051553633288498932007-11-12T12:57:00.000Z2007-11-12T13:05:23.103ZRoar for Powerful Words!A solid night’s sleep was broken by an intense few minutes around dawn when Gabby got up and fired a few warning shots across the bows of the milkman who had foolishly come whistling up the path. You might say that it was the beginning of your average week here at Chip Dale’s Diary, or, at least, we all thought it was until Ms. Baroque popped along and presented me with one of these ‘Roar for Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-15659807813964587222007-11-11T14:25:00.001Z2007-11-11T14:29:18.523ZThe Taking of the Chipster 123I awoke at noon and for the first time in about a week actually felt refreshed. I still don’t know if it’s been a cold that’s been hanging over me or just mental exhaustion after weeks of constant work, but a couple of days away from the computer seem to have done the trick. I’m not throwing my thong around with particular abandon but it does seem to sit more healthily upon my hips and I will Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-29755254099023818332007-11-10T14:35:00.001Z2007-11-11T14:29:53.400ZNorman MailerI've just heard the sad news that Norman Mailer has died. A controversial figure, hated by some, loved by others, he wrote the book I always pick out at my favourite: 'Harlot's Ghost'.I'm too exhausted to write on this today because I could write pages. Vonnegut and Mailer lost in the same year... Literature and the world of literature gets duller by the day, and we'll soon only be left with all Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-17960920025832148522007-11-10T12:49:00.000Z2007-11-10T12:54:56.719ZA Limp ChipA heavy schedule of live performances has left me worn out and don’t know if I have it in me to write much this weekend. Today I slept until noon, a whole eleven hours, after sleeping about as much yesterday. The long run up to Christmas is the busiest time for any man of the thong and the Chipster is busier than any. Monday night I was at the Rhyl Social Club, Tuesday back to Bangor for the Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-66840337480678249442007-11-09T13:07:00.000Z2007-11-09T13:10:01.874ZWhy I Didn't Blog YesterdayI tried to get to a computer yesterday but the fates conspired against me. Sometimes blogging has to come second when life becomes too complicated. First there was the problem with the train which had got stuck on the way back from Manchester. I’d gone there for another modelling session with my favourite catalogue. This time it was for next year’s Spring/Summer underwear collection, which made Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-68995234214512594312007-11-07T16:36:00.000Z2007-11-07T16:45:42.536ZA Problem of Names‘But they will think it’s porno!’ said the publisher.‘But it’s my name!’‘Then you’ll have to use a pseudonym.’‘Like hell I will,’ I replied. ‘I’ve waited years for a chance to see my name in a book shop. I’m not going to hide behind Margaret Flippyhackle or John T. Moustache. What’s wrong with Chip Dale?’‘Porno…’ said the publisher, stuffing my finished manuscript into her bag. ‘I would imagine Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-41757270026119155142007-11-06T11:23:00.000Z2007-11-06T11:27:34.840ZNovember 6thThe crackle of small arms fire came from the direction of the allotment shed. I ducked. Gabby winced.The trouble began when Gabby had uttered a few words of complaint about the quality of the cheap Chinese rockets she’d picked up in town. Compared to the Romanian fireworks that had arrived last week, the Red Star Dragon Super Burst Astro Rocket had been a rather tame addition to the night’s Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-57084448520000218422007-11-05T20:39:00.000Z2007-11-05T20:47:29.550ZMore SilenceAnother day of silence from CD Central. I've spent the day down in the bunker, well away from Gabby who has been wiring up the garden with high explosives. We're setting them off in ten minutes, so this might be my last report.Residents of Manchester can at least rest easy. The Roman Candle has been turned away from you. It's now pointing towards Birmingham, which I think you'll all agree, is a Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-38368847166651619442007-11-04T14:04:00.000Z2007-11-04T14:12:09.833ZA Tale of Two DicksHello fellow Thonglateers, Chipsterites, and Devotees of Big Chip Dale. I’ve been silent for good reason: I’ve been struck by a strange melancholy that has left me feeling unhappy with the state of the world. I don’t mean you, of course. You’re all right. Salt of the earth, and all that. I mean the others. Them over there. They’re always doing that, hardly ever stop it, and rarely look like they’Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-18438820122548034852007-11-02T20:21:00.000Z2007-11-02T20:32:54.000ZThe Welsh Amateur Thong Awards!Wow! What a party! We’re just back from the Welsh Amateur Thong Awards, sponsored by PouchSoft. I must say that I’ve never had such a fun time. Gabby is such a great dancer. I was spinning her round the floor all night and I don’t think her hip popped out on more than twice. And, even when it did, it only took a couple of smacks with a tyre iron to get in back in there and we’d be off again, Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-32901798959493147572007-11-02T13:02:00.000Z2007-11-02T13:05:49.912ZNoiseThe young chav neighbour is currently parked outside the flat and is cleaning out his car while listening to music. Drum and bass music pushed through speakers the size of refrigerators and a sub-woofer bigger than the engine.Is there any way I can make him stop that's legal, doesn't involve Gabby and her knife, and that won’t require my having to go through the courts? I can’t write. I can’t Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-57908184252464836592007-11-01T11:44:00.001Z2007-11-01T11:45:47.902ZThe Iranian Tourist BoardGabby informed me last night that she’d liked to see more of the world.‘I grow tired of UK,’ she said, clearly remaining at heart as much the roving vagabond as the day I found her sleeping in the doorway to Timothy Whites all those years ago. ‘Gabby wants adventure, to see old ruins, drive through mystical landscapes, be attacked by local bandits and return fire from back of Land Rover.’‘So why Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-3742470732720138932007-10-31T12:22:00.001Z2007-10-31T12:28:38.443ZThe CrateOn behalf of myself and my Romanian friend, I’d like to apologise to the passengers of the 8.32 express from London Euston to Bangor for the non-arrival of their train. Not that any of this is my fault, you understand. All I did was open the front door when the bell rang. The rest was merely the result of my being caught up in the maelstrom of history.‘Delivery for Dale,’ said the thick set man Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-26198731960938926562007-10-30T12:08:00.000Z2007-10-30T12:15:16.782ZTake The Jeremy Clarkson TestGo!That’s for any of you who have already read this and having decided to test out my theory are reading it for a second time. But trying what out, do I hear you cry? Well, it’s my Jeremy Clarkson test, which I’m hoping to get approved by the great man as soon as I work out how to contact him.I formed this theory when I noticed that Clarkson's books are hard avoid. They are in every shop, given Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-53154518413139158312007-10-29T13:33:00.000Z2007-10-29T13:38:58.908ZI'm Back...After a cold night and sombre morning spent at the local YMCA (it’s not a place you’d like to loiter wearing only a thong) the Chipster arrived home to find a contrite Romanian to greet him on the doorstep. It would appear that the embassy had sent staff to help her type up a forty two thousand word post about this year’s yeast harvest. Faced with such a grim demonstration of what blogging is Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-31208594458120241972007-10-29T00:01:00.000Z2007-10-28T23:41:53.778ZHiya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!‘I claim this blog on behalf of the people of the Republic of Romania.’Gabby told by embassy people to type that. Now it mine and protected by laws of Romania and European Union. If Chip think he coming to post on here again he have Italian army on his ass.Do you know what he tried to do tonight? He climbed ladder up to window. I leave window open on account of fire. It only little fire. Not Gabbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16621583860901742900noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-55156522513744545622007-10-28T13:18:00.001Z2007-10-28T13:22:25.012ZGabby Likes TanksChip angry. He goes out this morning and says he is not coming back. Well, I say we see if that is true. He gets so angry because I changed the password to his blog and I tell him that it is my blog now. I already get two comments. Two. On a Sunday! Whoo! Mrs. Baroque says she's my friend so I make a friend too which I say only proves that people want more Gabby and less Chippy always talking Gabbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16621583860901742900noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-70598450947278494352007-10-28T01:45:00.001Z2007-10-30T18:51:26.234ZGabby Here...Helo people. Gabby here. Chip gone bed. He asleep now and I just got in with good news. You can see vid? You as happy as me? I think so. Chip not know but I get tickets to film from friend who makes knifes. You all welcome to watch vid [Chip: I've removed the video because I'm sick of hearing the bloody Irish music every time I load the site. If you must, click the picture if you want to see Gabbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16621583860901742900noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-15546764862878595552007-10-27T13:04:00.000Z2007-10-27T13:23:06.280ZAwoken: A Ghost StoryYesterday is simply too complicated for me to go into great detail and I don’t think any of you really want to hear what happens when a stripper manages to offend the whole of Bangor’s unwed mothers with a silly little remark about the cooking times of buns in ovens. It took me some time and a free demonstration of my skills as Wales’ top stripper to bring them back on my side and by the time 2 oBig Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-13364123443539165102007-10-26T01:25:00.000Z2007-10-26T01:33:23.657ZBe Back Soon...First thing in the morning, I’m off to give my talk to Bangor’s young unmarried mothers. I’ll be in the Civic Hall discussing blogging from nine thirty, so feel free to drop by if you’re that way inclined. It means, of course, that I haven’t got time this evening to finish what I’ve been written for you. It will have to wait until I get home around lunchtime. It might be later if the young Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-44816632109427748362007-10-25T17:01:00.000Z2007-10-25T17:05:10.350ZSearch TermsI think it's time for the top 10 search terms that brought people here in the last week:10. Chip n Dale ferrets9. Chipendale in Halifax8. do Chip n Dale squirrels have penises(To which I would have answered: no, that's why they squeak so much.)7. Chip Dale ticklish testicles6. Chinese chip n dale dancers5. Cheap thongs wedding presents4. Fixing broken chipendale chair (+fat woman)3. i love men Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-21522796488520353422007-10-25T13:25:00.000Z2007-10-25T13:31:57.881ZZZZzzzzzz.....For those of you who need a fix of Coleen McLoughlin (and let’s face it, who doesn’t?), I’ve just posted a piece Coleen McLoughlin: From Goddess To Thinker on My Telegraph. If you notice any signs of my being a bit jaded (or perhaps evening having lost my mind), I ask you to forgive me. I’ve not been sleeping well. Despite Gabby's warning, the neighbour continues to do his DIY from 8AM to 10AM, Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-42863405833621545182007-10-24T14:25:00.000Z2007-10-24T14:32:51.297ZThe Chipster's Book ReviewHer fist. My jaw. The rattle of china.Only then did I realise we don’t own any china. It was my teeth, clicking and clacking like a domino world record attempt going wrong. It ended in a firework display of pain somewhere around my groin. I fell to the floor, the dull nausea of crushed gonads beginning to spread through the lower half of my body. I wouldn’t have believed reviewing a book could beBig Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-12365958836013429532007-10-23T23:22:00.000Z2007-10-23T23:59:53.066ZTwo More Films For Your Lists...It feels like I’m indulging myself by writing these film reviews every few days at the moment but my week started utterly miserably except in terms of my choice of viewing. These are two films that are just about perfect.BreachThere are certain types of movies that will always get my attention but espionage movies are probably at the top of that list. I don’t mean Bond movies, or even Bourne Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-89026959576704843342007-10-23T14:27:00.000Z2007-10-23T14:31:42.028ZTop Blogging Tips from Wales’ Top BloggerI seem to have made an enemy. Or at least, I hope I have. I’m beginning to find that blogging at The Telegraph is like slipping unnoticed through the back door of an old folks’ home and settling yourself down in an armchair. Sooner or later, somebody turns to you and asks your opinion of ‘that lovely Judith Chalmers’. To which you respond: ‘Looks good for her age.’ ‘Oh, yes,’ says the resident. ‘Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-3778113361215085622007-10-23T02:03:00.000Z2007-10-23T01:05:10.932ZThe Leadership TestWhat Famous Leader Are You?personality tests by similarminds.com‘You tend to see threats everywhere and always focus on worst case scenarios’!!!Well, not normally, I don’t. Not unless I’ve just been compared to one of the most reviled figures of the twentieth century. I mean, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit upset at the outcome of this personality test.I have to thank Steve at The Daily Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-25349233525753365612007-10-22T14:16:00.000Z2007-10-22T14:44:59.262ZAlan Titchmarsh: Man or Monster?Thinking that I was in time for Top Gear, I turned to BBC2 a bit too early last night, forgetting that their highest rated show (and one of the few things the BBC are getting right at the moment) had been postponed in favour of the snooker. However, my disappointment was lessened a bit by the discovery that BBC2 were broadcasting a new wildlife series, The Nature of Britain, which has always beenBig Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-21096955521863005082007-10-22T11:36:00.000Z2007-10-22T11:39:05.584ZBrief UpdateTime for a brief update: I’m not wearing any…So sorry about that. Terrible, I know, but I couldn’t resist a bad underwear joke to get the week started on a low hung note. I’m not intending to post much right now. I’m doing this partly out of spite, since my drunken piece of the weekend was greeted with such universal mockery. I’ve decided to be much more careful about the words I choose to make Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-70216641911687634392007-10-21T12:58:00.000Z2007-10-21T13:04:24.631ZTwo Film ReviewsIt has often been said that Chip Dale is an intolerant man, quick to form hasty judgements about people. Which is why it’s so good to occasionally say that I’ve changed my mind or that I was wrong.It explains the two film recommendations I have for you on this cold Sunday in Bangor. They go together so well because they’re full of actors I’ve previously found so irritating that I’ve been known toBig Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-76923359858651035242007-10-20T00:20:00.000Z2007-10-20T00:28:53.481ZFear and Loathing in BangorAgonised flares dive skyward, falter, then blister; their innards breaking through in an eruption of incandescence. Bangor dims and falls silent again. Minutes pass. A solitary scream hints at violence, corruption, deceit, or ecstasy. A dog wakes, howls its own sterilised cry; a city cry, a backyard cry of chains, water bowls, and cold concrete nights. Nobody replies. There’s nobody awake but a Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-55107735096075422582007-10-19T12:43:00.001Z2007-10-19T14:41:13.101ZThe Romanian GambitGabby had some interesting news for me yesterday afternoon.‘Chip?’ she said, ‘I want to become a man.’I dropped my lunch into my lap. ‘I beg your pardon?’She put her hands on her hips, tears in her eyes. ‘Gabby wants operation to become man.’‘Yes, yes, that’s what I thought you’d said,’ I replied when I came around in the ambulance twenty minutes later.On the drive home from the hospital, the Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-18205990042318576582007-10-18T14:52:00.000Z2007-10-18T15:12:38.971ZA Day of DisappointmentsThe line of newly decapitated chickens left to drain over the bath tub told me that this was not going to be a day full of sunshine. I knew as much when I switched on my PC this morning. My attempts to lure Telegraph readers here with my newly launched blog had resulted in nice round figures. The round figure happened to be zero, which was also the number of people I'd managed to attract here Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-64454184545847527342007-10-18T00:11:00.000Z2007-10-18T00:33:22.630ZA Question NuanceToday I blatantly stole an idea from Dave Hill (and now a picture from The Spine).* I opened a blog over at The Telegraph.Actually, I didn’t steal the idea as much as I went back and posted on the blog I’d registered earlier this year. I’m A. Aaron Esq, which as you’ll no doubt know is the name of my grandfather. I didn’t expect any replies to the small piece I wrote about Gordon Brown. Nor did IBig Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-51931000048110883092007-10-17T13:19:00.000Z2007-10-17T13:59:41.735ZChip Dale's Underwear Tips, Volume 28‘Underwear for big genitals’!Doesn’t that just say it all? Months or writing this blog and it has become the top search destination for people unnaturally blessed below the belt line. There are days when I seriously consider abandoning this blogging lark. Days when I think there aren’t enough people reading. There are days when I wonder if the people who are reading are quite understanding what Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-53685110937107778282007-10-16T15:01:00.000Z2007-10-16T15:17:03.159ZChip Dale's Leadership Promise No. 1: On The Professionalism of DentistsThe first day of the Lib Dem leadership election campaign didn’t begin well for the early front runner.Gabby had her knee on my chest and was using her elbow to keep my head still. I could only try my best to keep my mouth shut as the scream of the Black & Decker cracked the tiles which came raining free from the bathroom walls like a scene in The Matrix. I was only glad when the extension cable Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-45193990695929090352007-10-16T11:38:00.001Z2007-10-16T11:41:52.476ZThe Campaign Starts Here...While I get my mind together over a cup of coffee, here's the official Chip Dale For Leader desktop. Send it to all Lib Dems you know, install in on every computer you can, and we'll see if we can get my leadership campaign off to a flying start. With the right organisation, some tasteful thong sponsorship, and a prevailing wind, I might yet win this.Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-10828633136741734072007-10-15T17:14:00.000Z2007-10-15T17:16:37.369ZThe Chipster's Mini ReviewsFido – Touching story of your boy growing up in 1950s America and his love for his dog. Only the dog is actually a zombie played by Billy Connolly. Very funny, equally as smart, but very dark. Excellent.The Host – disappointing Korean horror. Despite some excellent vignettes, typically good music, there’s little else to recommend it.Surf’s Up – CGI pseudo-documentary about surfing penguins. SassyBig Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-43809517460054712562007-10-15T12:02:00.000Z2007-10-15T12:10:51.938ZMy Birthday by Chip Dale: An Account of The Missing Six Hours Compiled From Contemporary Sources, Friends, Family, and Police RecordsSharp. There’s no other word that adequately describes myself early on the evening of the 13th October, 2007. Freshly oiled, shaved, and with the anti-fungal cream still damp between my toes, I was in no mood to take any fashion prisoners. This was going to be a seek and destroy mission against the entrenched sticks and squares at the heart of Bangor town centre. From my vast wardrobe, I’d pickedBig Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-48389824717879993022007-10-14T12:25:00.000Z2007-10-14T12:29:38.519ZA Penitent ManDear Christ. I’m never going to drink again. Let me say my apologies now to everybody who I pawed, in a blog sense, in the early hours of the morning. The comments I left on your blogs are my dribble on your collar, my sweaty armpit over your shoulder, my stinking garlic bread breath in your face. I feel so terribly bad about it. I can’t honestly remember how many blogs I visited, I seemed to go Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-54307801992403885222007-10-14T01:47:00.000Z2007-10-14T00:50:57.498Zgodnightokay i;m going to bed now. I am feeling better. i was sicka little out of the window. i love you all. you are all lovely people becasue you know that I love you . i dont mean to be selfish but i nknown i sometimes dont reply or leave comments or i moan. but its becasue i care. i workk so hard and youi know me#I care.YOu are all my BEST frtiends. no. no. shush. you are. i love you all.i am going Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-88689074985241286112007-10-14T01:34:00.000Z2007-10-14T00:06:51.257ZHERllo Yoou Lovely PeeoplereggdfHowdy…………………….Who said tht rule number one about blogging is that yoyu don’t post when you are drunk. Ruddy Iain Dale I siuppose. Big heded bugger with all his fekcing readers. But when a man has enjoyed his birthdays and hadd only a teeeennnny weeennny bit of drink to be had, so I did, I say hang the tussocks off a rhinonscerous and say hello to all my friends out therte where the blogs Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-67300714696642710372007-10-13T00:01:00.000Z2007-10-12T23:30:14.514ZHappy Birthday Big Chip DaleRather hard to believe, isn’t it, that this dapper young Goth with slight acne and a mild fungal toe infection would later become the Welsh stripping sensation known as The Chipster? And it all seems so many years ago now. Long before I damaged my spine lifting that overweight traffic control officer at her hen party. Long before I met Romania’s answer to Combat Barbie. And before I began to tellBig Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-48069534316828888612007-10-11T17:56:00.000Z2007-10-11T23:32:43.651ZBernie Clifton's No. 1 FanThe green marker pen scrawled across the luminous orange sign read ‘If you give the Devil an inch, he’ll be your ruler’. It was pasted on the stone face of the old Methodist church that was hung some way back from the road where the bus turned into the station. Small hick town. Or at least, that’s what I thought. Blue collar. Middle America. Only it wasn’t. It was just the end of a thirty minute Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-48037182547670382292007-10-09T12:13:00.000Z2007-10-10T00:25:24.077ZThonglateer Extraordinaire Chapter 1, Part 3Eventually, my relationship with Flora waned and we went our separate ways. We had, by that stage, got to know each other on a very intimate level, though with the python always in the room I’d say the sex was good but not great unless you were into wildlife. The end slithered into view once I told her that there was one too many pythons involved in our relationship. She took it as an insult to Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-76496701185538680642007-10-09T00:33:00.001Z2007-10-09T10:35:40.244ZThe New Catalogue ArrivesYou find the Chipster in the mood for litigation. As you can no doubt see, my complimentary copy of J.D. Williams’ new Autumn and Winter catalogue landed on the doorstep today. What else can I say except that promises were not kept by the industy leaders in the larger sized gusset. I never wanted you to see me like this. It’s somewhat humbling, especially since I thought that I’d had a Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-29846095241140744092007-10-08T16:11:00.000Z2007-10-08T16:23:43.090ZA Pubic Service Announcement from Chip DaleI’ve spent a hellish two days trying to calm down a distraught Romanian. When she heard Gordon Brown announce there’s to be no general election this year, Gabby began to sob incoherently. I was in the middle of some pretty exotic yoga positions at the time so it took me ten minutes to untangle myself before I could get to her. By then, she had cried herself dry and she explained in her cracked, Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-79095608528145339892007-10-06T15:18:00.000Z2007-12-04T15:29:30.340ZTony Curtis's Pineapple ChunksBecause I consider myself a professional, I rarely talk about my life on the stage. To you, it might seem exotic, but for me, it’s just a well hung normality dressed in a leopard-print thong. When you get down to the nuts and bolts of it (and there, I think, you have a most perfectly appropriate euphemism for the tools of my trade) the business of stripping is pretty routine.I get to the club Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-83182009502673470622007-10-05T13:11:00.000Z2007-10-05T13:15:09.770ZSlow MorningA bit of a late night last night, what with the impromptu photo-shoot for Non-working Monkey. It’s probably why I’m feeling a little tired this morning. I crawled out of bed at an unreasonably late hour, though once I was into my thong, I felt a bit better and managed a hundred push ups before breakfast.The Chipster’s morning routine rarely changes, though in the warmer weather I do occasionally Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-83123015431370792432007-10-05T00:11:00.001Z2007-10-05T00:46:18.096ZLate Night With The ChipsterContractually, as you know, I’m not allowed to reveal myself fully to you on this blog. There are some things I have keep back for the live show. That means there are no pictures of my famous Neil Kinnock routine, no video of my thrusting hips or swinging genitals, and definitely no shots of me sans-thong. This leaves with a predicament when it comes to new visitors. If they don’t live in Wales, Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-23319575079350227142007-10-04T13:21:00.000Z2007-10-04T15:37:48.458ZThe Adidas Sports ThongEvery blog I visit today seems only interested in talking about Sputnik as though some lump of metal sent into the upper atmosphere and marking the point that humanity first entered space is somehow important. Does nobody care that I nearly broke my neck trying to rescue a cat from a roof this morning?Because it was such a sunny day, I’d gone for an early morning jog around the neighbourhood. Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-47354255938035823302007-10-03T12:59:00.001Z2007-10-03T13:10:46.834ZThe Probiotic ChipsterI feel like one of those adverts for menopausal women so full of good spirits so they run through the streets smashing street lamps and overturning cars. Not that I’m menopausal, you understand…A month ago, I was having problems with my digestion. Too much bad food or something that just disagreed with the Chipster’s normally clockwork routines left me feeling bloated and generally under the Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-64640364217017525722007-10-02T11:18:00.000Z2007-10-02T14:45:31.064ZWoolworthsI think it’s time the Chipster addressed more of the big questions that trouble us all. Such as why Woolworths employ the dimmest people that have ever struck that spark called consciousness.I must have nipped into various local branches of Woolies, as we call it, over the last few months and my experience has been singularly miserable. It usually involves some item, the boxes of which usually Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-37462465891523130182007-10-01T22:33:00.000Z2007-12-04T15:29:24.409ZNed SherrinI don't go in for oozing sentiment. In fact, I distrust people who do, believing it to be another of the stock reactions the media teaches us to exhibit at any moment of sadness. We are told how to feel, rather than feeling our feelings naturally. However, the death of Ned Sherrin needs something saying that’s akin to sentiment because, on hearing the news, I was struck by a sadness that isn't Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-34559887903792174702007-10-01T11:04:00.001Z2007-10-01T11:12:21.537ZChip Dale's List of the Top UK BlogsI was disappointed over the weekend to see that Chip Dale's Diary didn't make it to Iain Dale's list of the top UK blogs. I didn't even make it to the list of the top Welsh blogs, which I would say is certainly something given that most of the Welsh blogs I've read are written in Welsh.I've been wondering what I could do to cheer others up who have suffered this terrible hurt. At first, my mind Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-78976759045622203002007-09-29T01:21:00.001Z2007-09-29T11:59:06.065ZThe Chip Dale Story: Chapter 1 continues...Chapter 1 continues...(WARNING CONTAIN EXPLICIT SEXUAL DETAIL)I, of course, survived the dream long enough to make it a reality. At sixteen, I entered the local community college where I began to study to become a geologist. It wasn’t that I had any serious ambitions to work with rocks – or at least not of the sedimentary, igneous or metamorphic varieties – but I had to do something for the two Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-7725447801222362152007-09-28T11:49:00.001Z2007-09-28T12:57:35.868ZThonglateer ExtraordinaireBecause I’ll be busy for the next few days as I sit and stare unblinking at a computer screen, I thought I’d keep the blog active by offering you all a sneak peak at my latest opus. It’s called ‘Thonglateer Extraordinaire!’ and I think it’s the most honest account of life on the North Wales stripping circuit. It also happens to be my autobiography.Gabby is the mastermind behind the book, and she’Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-48293239471684879642007-09-26T23:45:00.001Z2007-12-04T15:30:10.383ZJobs and DogsI’ve spent the day filling out an application form for a job. That’s right. I said I spent the entire day ticking boxes and writing in tiny block letters to get everything in the space provided. And I’m still not finished.The problem I’m having is with people who think we all fit into those boxes. What happens if you went to more than one school? What happens if you have more qualifications than Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-61920535251241528862007-09-25T00:12:00.000Z2007-09-25T01:28:36.266ZBangor BeachIf you just measure these things by shrinkage, the Bangor shoreline is not a good place for a man in his underpants to be on a cold day in September. However, give a talented photographer a few filters and a pair of old socks and it's astonishing what they can make of it.The modelling assignment was the first decent job I’ve had in months but it might not have even happened if I hadn’t been Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-57591788826021339002007-09-24T10:54:00.000Z2007-09-24T11:12:55.464ZMy First Political MemorySteve at The Daily Referendum has tagged for me my first political memory. Tough question. I don’t really have political memories. I have lots of literary memories, such as the first time I read 'Death of a Salesman', travelling home on a train on a sunny day with the fields stretching out to the distance. The carriage was empty. It felt like the rest of the world was working and I was blessed toBig Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-55187627114806019872007-09-23T12:03:00.001Z2007-09-23T12:12:07.996ZMarcel MarceauI hope perhaps against hope that there will be nothing written on Marcel Marceau’s grave. In a world of blogs when people can’t seem to shut the hell up, Marceau made silence into an art. I hope the media give the man as much coverage as they did Pavarotti, though I suspect that they have a bias towards noise.I suppose it’s hardly surprising when loud comedians are all in fashion. Friends look atBig Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-6850371373980052932007-09-22T13:13:00.001Z2007-09-22T13:53:44.863ZThank You Mr. CalvinoIn a one of his shorter essays, Italo Calvino tackles comedy and begins with something that is very close to my heart. ‘One component of satire is moralism,’ he writes, ‘and another is mockery. I would like these two components to remain foreign to me, partly because I do not appreciate them in others.’I read these words for the first time this week and they caused me to fret. How am I to exist Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-76040150985351395972007-09-19T11:10:00.000Z2007-09-19T11:17:36.537ZSpectacles, Testicles , Wallet and WatchBudgetary cutbacks brought in by my new Romanian chancellor have left The Thonged One without his morning paper but it's not all bad. No longer am I victim to the weekly price hikes of The Times and the daily incoherent ramblings of Rod Liddle. I now make do with the free paper that’s pushed weekly through the letterbox. I might no longer be up-to-date with the Middle East but I am now an expert Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-531499654098233322007-09-18T11:12:00.001Z2007-09-18T11:19:33.452ZA Weekend In FilmSince they seemed popular, a few more of my mini film reviews from the weekend. I went a bit overboard on the movies, though I think I should begin to mark which films I watched because of Gabby and which I chose myself. This weekend, it was mainly Gabby who was making the selection.Rule of thumb: if it involves horror or long range target shooting, you can be sure it's not one of Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-6419110868757372852007-09-17T13:53:00.000Z2007-09-17T13:56:04.635ZRecommended ReadingIf, like me, you're into reading other people's private correspondence, you might like The Carlyle Letters Online. I've spent a fascinating hour reading letters between great Victorians. And what's better, there's not a single reference to X Factor.Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-24111876614780615172007-09-17T11:29:00.000Z2007-12-04T15:30:14.185ZA Week in FilmsPerhaps because I've been so busy writing for much of the week, I've been overdosing on movies at night. Here is my last seven days in films, both on video and cinema. And yes, it does mean I have watched more than one in a day. I have to suffer Gabby's love of horror films before she goes to bed and then I relax with something more uplifting.The Simpsons Movie – A terrible shame. A few laughs Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-66460144700229067492007-09-15T11:22:00.000Z2007-09-15T11:25:58.494ZFinlandI’m so glad that Finland is no longer recognised as the world’s suicide capital. We might get back to the good old days when it was the Swiss who led the world in precision engineered watches, quality chocolate, and 101 uses of a noose and a bottle of painkillers. The Swiss always carried the honour with a certain nihilistic pride; proving that any nation consisting mainly of hikers and ramblers Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-29879396761147031542007-09-14T11:48:00.000Z2007-09-14T15:51:43.094ZA New EnterpriseAt last, some good news about The Chipster! I’ve found a new source of income. You might know about the trouble I’ve been having lately. Since the EU introduced new regulations on thong usage, the exotic dancing isn’t paying like it used to and I’ve been keeping an eye out for alternative means of supporting a Romanian and her twenty seven chickens. Now, the search is over. Two nights ago I was Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-69874164142608747892007-09-13T17:50:00.000Z2007-12-04T15:30:20.545ZRules For The Wannabe BritAs promised, for Momentary Academic, some helpful tips for the Wannabee Brit.Forget pomp, circumstance, or anything you’ve picked up from watching Ealing Comedies. To be a modern Brit, you have to begin with the essentials. Tattoos must be visible at all times. Own a big dog that can chew a caravan in half. Own a caravan too and attach it to a car with a length of old rope. Now hit the motorways Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-15767175816269496802007-09-12T23:20:00.000Z2007-09-12T23:23:46.921ZI've Been Busy...Sorry for the silence. Life just sometimes gets a bit complicated and utterly bewildering. I’d say more but there’s a time and place for discretion. I’ve just decided to hide it all away in my Walrus Clogs and try to get back to my usual Thonglateering self tomorrow. It all depends on whether the goat herd decides to press charges against Gabby and if my puncture wounds begin to heal. I just Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-21431007456979119712007-09-09T12:47:00.000Z2007-09-09T12:57:14.094ZNews Channel of the Year?Sky News has become obsessed with describing itself as ‘the news channel of the year’. They love nothing more than announcing that they’ve won another award for news coverage and animating their latest trophy in lovely shiny 3D graphics. Sky News are great at self-promotion. Perhaps it's the reporting of that sort of news which wins them all the awards. The other news – you know, about the thingsBig Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-27042740390978140562007-09-08T12:31:00.000Z2007-09-08T12:35:58.784ZLet Me Offend YouIt occasionally happens in the comments section but usually in the form of an email. A few times I had a gift wrapped box delivered to me full of horse excrement. They all amount to the same thing. I’ve gone and offended somebody again.I swear: if I wrote a post about knowing a man who likes to sniff toenail clippings collected from the footwear department of M&S I would get an indignant email Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-46927035913185753612007-09-07T12:09:00.000Z2007-12-04T15:31:11.600ZTributes to PavarottiDeath is a great sales gimmick. A famous tenor dies one day and he climbs back up the album charts the next. Since Pavarotti died, I’ve had countless emails from different companies asking me to pay my respects to the great man by buying some of his albums. I think they believe they're being timely. I think it’s just another reminder that big business can never be relied upon to do the moral Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-76706447033107696232007-09-06T14:37:00.000Z2007-09-06T14:56:39.572ZA Knock on the DoorThere was a knock on The Chipster's door this morning. I was going to let Gabby answer it but then I remembered that she’d mentioned nipping out to the library where she was going to help move some tramps who had taken over the reading corner previously set aside for the Romanian immigrant community. I was in the house alone.I pushed myself away from my desk, adjusted my bright yellow summer Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404143683835677190.post-55191458926668963532007-09-05T23:05:00.000Z2007-12-04T15:31:13.629ZA Telephone Call From Pornland‘Why the hell did you go and post that for?’I took another look at the handset. I wasn’t certain I’d picked up the right phone, despite the fact it had been ringing.‘This is XXXXXXXX,’ I said. ‘Are you sure you have the right number?’‘Of course I’ve got the right number. And I read what you wrote about us. The problem with you, Chip Dale, is that you were stupid enough to include your website Big Chip Dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05585365213244296058noreply@blogger.com3